After a rocky (and at times, unintentionally iconic) launch with its first season, RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars took some time off to find its footing and came back with a vengeance. Following the runaway success of its new and improved format (RIP, she-mergency button), it’s continued non-stop every year for almost a decade now, seeing dozens of queens return for another shot at winning the crown and something else you can’t put a price on: redemption.

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On paper, it’s a win-win situation. Returning queens get to show their now-upgraded artistry on the world’s biggest drag stage and are guaranteed to at least win some new fans (if not a six-figure cash prize), while viewers get another generous helping of Drag Race with ru-mixed casts of beloved/beloathed familiar faces.

Season 1, for all its flaws, had a phenomenal cast stacked with heavy hitters from the flagship’s first four seasons, and after a four-year break they successfully replicated this feat for its revamped second season.

A tough act to follow, the first two All Stars seasons set a high bar with carefully selected, iconic casts. But in the years since, the annual churn has made it harder to assemble lineups with the same impact, particularly when so many queens are brought back before they’ve had a chance to grow or be missed. With this year’s 10th season, half of its supersize 18-queen cast consists of former competitors who were last seen on the show no more than three years ago (with Lydia B. Kollins setting a new record for the shortest gap of two weeks!), and three who are already All Stars alums. The show’s magic has always been rooted in watching queens evolve, but that evolution takes time. When returning contestants pop up only a season or two after their original run, it can make the competition feel less about growth and more about who was available.

This list celebrates ten queens whose returns felt correct. Whether they were early-outs turned icons, underappreciated talents finally getting their due, or winners reminding us why they snatched the crown in the first place, these queens proved that the right return at the right time can be pure All Stars gold.

For the sake of simplicity, this list will only include queens from the main All Stars series, and not from the cursed vs. The World and Global All Stars spin-offs.

Tatianna

Drag Race Season 2 | All Stars Season 2

6 years between seasons

Tatianna first stepped into the werk room with a dazzling smile, a Claire’s headband, and a dream. The scrappy underdog of Season 2, she was praised for her beauty but frequently criticised for serving pedestrian runway looks. Only just missing out on a place in the finale, her no-nonsense attitude and willingness to speak up for herself put her at the centre of multiple now-legendary arguments, making her one of the franchise’s most endlessly quotable queens. She also nabbed the rather iconic achievement of winning the first ever Snatch Game, proving she was more than just a pretty face.

Fast forward to 2016, she returned to the revived and reinvented spin-off – in what would later be regarded as one of best ever seasons – all glowed-up, swapping mall drag for All Stars-worthy eleganza. On day one she wowed viewers with seminal spoken word piece, The Same Parts, nabbing her first of two challenge wins, and later went on to earn her place back in the competition in the herstoric Shut Up And Drive lip sync. Though she was eliminated early in a twist of irony involving Snatch Game and a legacy alliance (cough RoLaskaTox cough), Tatianna gave a masterclass in redemption and legacy redefinition, for which we can only say: thank you.

Plastique Tiara

Drag Race Season 11 | All Stars Season 9

5 years between seasons

Plastique Tiara dazzled the judges in Season 11 with her jaw-dropping beauty and immaculate looks, but she struggled with performance challenges and was often criticised for lacking emotional depth. She had a respectable run, making it past the halfway point, but left the competition with more to prove. On All Stars 9, she returned with something to say. Levelling up her already exceptional aesthetic, she took every opportunity to show that she could be more than just a look queen. Adding vulnerability and strength to her performances, challenges that previously rattled her like acting and comedy became moments where she stood out, not just survived. Despite being statistically one of the season’s best performers – tying with finalists, Angeria and Roxxxy for most number of top two placements – her less than perfect lip synching skills (phew, she has one flaw!) meant that she wasn’t able to fully reap the rewards. Nevertheless, she not only succeeded in showing the versatility she was capable of beyond what viewers saw her first time around, but also delivered one of the most intricate, elaborate, and incomparably stunning runway packages ever seen on the main stage.

Jessica Wild

Drag Race Season 2 | All Stars Season 8

13 years between seasons

In addition to being gorgeous and talented, Jessica Wild is a queen who exudes a pure and sincere sweetness that makes her impossible not to love. Her original appearance on Season 2 was marked by infectious energy, chaotic charm, and one of the most memorable beverage-related quotes in Drag Race herstory, but she was often overshadowed by the bigger personalities of her season and eliminated just as she was finding her groove. More than a decade later, on All Stars 8, Jessica came in ready to prove she was a contender. She brought elevated fashion, stronger performances, and a new confidence that made her presence undeniable. She earned a challenge win and came close to the finale, reminding audiences why she had always been a hidden gem. Jessica’s reintroduction to the franchise was long overdue, and a joyful vindication of her talent and tenacity.

BeBe Zahara Benet

Drag Race Season 1 | All Stars Season 3

9 years between seasons

As America’s first ever Drag Superstar, BeBe Zahara Benet’s inclusion on All Stars 3 felt both shocking and earned. She had nothing left to prove as a contender, but the show (and its cash prize) had evolved since her win, so it felt like an opportunity for her to take on new challenges and introduce herself to new audiences, while giving the season an added sense of gravitas. Though she didn’t snatch a second crown, BeBe’s charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent took her all the way to the final. She won two challenges and was rarely in the bottom, exuding the kind of regal control that exemplified her brand. BeBe never approached the competition with entitlement; instead, she brought a classic drag sensibility that stood out amid the high-glam theatrics of her competitors. Her fate sealed by a jury of her queers, she didn’t make the final lip sync, but she left on her own terms with her head held high and her mystique intact. Her return helped bridge the legacy of early Drag Race to its modern form, and she proved she could hold her own against fresher faces on the scene.

Mo Heart

Drag Race Season 10 | All Stars Season 4

0 years between seasons

First appearing on Season 10, Mo Heart (then, Monique) won our hearts with her raw talent, catchphrases, and DIY fashion. Though she made it to the top 5, her run was dogged by frustration over resources and recognition. Despite coming back the same year, on All Stars 4 she returned sharper, glossier, and emotionally grounded. Her looks had levelled up, her confidence had blossomed, and her comedic timing was more precise than ever. Mo won two challenges, consistently delivered in runways and performances, securing her place in the finale. She evolved from an underdog with potential to a queen fully in command of her power, with that same unshakable charisma. Her journey across the two seasons highlighted one of Drag Race’s most enduring themes: growth through grit. Stunning!

Kylie Sonique Love

Drag Race Season 2 | All Stars Season 6

11 years between seasons

Kylie Sonique Love has one of the most powerful Drag Race arcs from any contestant. After a short and relatively unremarkable run on Season 2, she made herstory by coming out as a trans woman during the reunion episode at a time when trans representation on television was still rare. Her return on All Stars 6 as her fully realised self was really a chance for the audience to meet her for the first time. From the first episode, Kylie radiated a calm, unshakable confidence, bringing style, skill, and vulnerability to every challenge. She earned multiple top placements, won challenges, and ultimately secured the crown, beating stiff competition from queens who had performed much better on their respective original seasons. Her growth as a performer was undeniable, but even more compelling was her presence: grounded, gracious, and unafraid to be fully herself. Her win wasn’t just deserved, it was deeply meaningful, for the franchise and beyond.

Trinity K. Bonet

Drag Race Season 6 | All Stars Season 6

7 years between seasons

Trinity K. Bonet’s journey from Season 6 to All Stars 6 is a story of transformation through self-belief. On her original season, she was known for incredible lip syncs and raw honesty, but struggled with self-doubt and runway polish. Despite making it far, she often felt like an underappreciated talent. Her return saw a completely revitalised queen, self-assured, and just as fierce a performer as ever. Trinity racked up two challenge wins and several high placements, solidifying herself as a potential front-runner. She may not have made the final lip sync, but her performance throughout the season reframed her as a fully realised competitor with staying power.

Jiggly Caliente

Drag Race Season 4 | All Stars Season 6

9 years between seasons

Jiggly Caliente’s run on Season 4 was charming but chaotic. She was beloved for her personality and feisty humour, but often struggled with polish and consistency. Her return on All Stars 6 reflected both personal and professional growth, and her newfound confidence shined through. Though she was eliminated early, her presence felt significant. She came back with a clearer vision of her drag, more confident styling, and a message rooted in authenticity, all of which was a joy to watch. Nobody could have predicted Season 4 Jiggly becoming a judge herself, but by All Stars 6 she had truly arrived and was seated on the panel of Drag Race Philippines that same year.

Ra’Jah O’Hara

Drag Race Season 11 | All Stars Season 6

2 years between seasons

Ra’Jah O’Hara had a rocky time in Season 11, remembered more for confrontation than competition. Despite showing glimpses of brilliance in design and performance, she often seemed at odds with herself and her castmates by appointing herself as the season’s resident villain. Her return on All Stars 6 flipped the script entirely. Ra’Jah emerged with poise, polish, and purpose. She won three challenges, served unforgettable looks, and grew into a fan favourite through grace under pressure. She proved that confidence and kindness could coexist with competitive fire, and her top 4 finish felt like a full-circle moment for a queen who had once been written off too soon.

Raja

Drag Race Season 3 | All Stars Season 7

11 years between seasons

Raja’s return on All Stars 7 felt like a homecoming for one of the franchise’s most influential style icons. As the winner of Season 3, Raja helped define early Drag Race fashion with her avant-garde style, quick wit, and cerebral approach to challenges. Over a decade later, she returned as the seasoned fashion icon she always was, but now with even more insight, humour, and experience, and proved she hadn’t lost a step. She dominated the runway, held her own in comedy and acting challenges, and reminded a new generation of how she helped to raise the standard of drag excellence on the main stage. Thanks to the non-elimination format, viewers were treated to runway after runway of jaw-dropping artistry, cementing the fact that she remains completely in a league of her own.

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Milk & Serial
Released: 9th August 2024
Written by: Curry Barker
Directed by: Curry Barker

It’s not often that you start a film knowing exactly (well, to the nearest 100,000) how many people have already watched it (well, how many times it’s been played), but at the time of writing, YouTube exclusive, Milk & Serial, has racked up a neat 1.6 million views. It’s not any easier to put into context when 2024’s most popular video (MrBeast’s 50 YouTubers Fight For $1,000,000) garnered over 300 million, nor does it provide any indication of its quality, but it’s a respectable feat for this indie production made on a reported $800 budget. Following its free release on the platform, the found-footage film gained traction through word-of-mouth in online horror fan communities, though I’m sure it didn’t hurt that the creators’ channel already boasted over half a million subscribers.

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Its tight 62 minute runtime scored early points from me, but the actual viewing experience left me feeling like 2 hours had passed. What starts off as an interesting and pretty well-executed premise takes a turn into an unexpected direction that changes the mood of the film altogether, and suddenly doesn’t seem so suited to its format. A problem I often find with stories told in the found-footage genre is that it can be difficult to maintain the pretence of why everything the audience sees is continuing to be filmed in the midst of increasing life-or-death peril. Once Milk & Serial turns more thriller than horror, the docu-style cinematography seems more amateurish than effective, as it becomes less conceivable that its characters would want to film or be filmed. Considering his triple-duty as writer/director/actor, Curry Barker does an impressive job as the protagonist, but it’s not enough to save the aimless plot.

A lot of the film’s praise focuses on its small budget, and while it is commendable and a testament to the creators’ talents, the end result ultimately falls short of being a total triumph. It does have the bare bones of a good story that could have the potential to work successfully in a more conventional format, but this version of Milk & Serial was perhaps a bit too crunchy.

This is where I’d normally embed the film trailer, but you can only go and watch the whole thing right here.

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📖 Further reading

• How ‘Milk & Serial,’ a Clever Slasher Made for $800 and Released for Free on YouTube, Became a Must-Watch for Horror Fans

Once the jewel in the crown of Drag Race maxi challenges, Snatch Game seems to have lost its sparkle with the fickle fanbase, who in recent years have increasingly been calling to ditch it altogether (source: I’ve seen a couple of posts). While most editions reliably offer a mixed bag of success, the cast of season 14 collectively failed so catastrophically it landed seven of them in the bottom, calling into question how much entertainment value the staple improv challenge really has to offer. Though it got some more favourable press later that year with Jinkx Monsoon’s transcendent turn as Judy Garland on All Stars 7, the most recent offering from flagship Drag Race has once again turned the fanbase off with some of the worst performances in the show’s herstory.

Snatch Game is admittedly plagued by inconsistency, but I’d like to make the case that the format isn’t the problem – it’s the queens. Yes, it’s one of the toughest challenges, often voiced by the queens as their most dreaded. You have to think on your feet, play off Ru and your competitors, stay in character, all while following the singular golden rule: make it funny. It’s a big ask for someone who isn’t experienced in this particular facet of theatrics or doesn’t have a natural flair for comedy, but that doesn’t need to make performing badly a foregone conclusion. Bombing on Snatch Game doesn’t happen for a lack of talent, but rather, a lack of preparedness.

Even though improvisation is at its core, Snatch Game also benefits from being one of the only maxi challenges contestants can plan for ahead of time, so why not make the most of it? It’s clear that many of the queens who do badly have turned up thinking they can wing it, but failing to adequately prepare isn’t just a recipe for disaster, it’s a huge missed opportunity because the payoff can be massive. Even if you don’t go on to take the crown, an iconic Snatch Game performance can cement you as a legend in the fandom well past your season.

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While there’s no guaranteed formula for success, history has taught us there’s definitely a few precautions that could reasonably be taken by anyone to avoid a total flop without having to set foot in an improv class (although that would be ideal, obvs).

1. Know the assignment

It’s almost impressive (but mostly just disappointing) how many queens still manage to miss the mark when RuPaul has so succinctly distilled the challenge’s entire objective into a single question: how are you going to make it funny? Snatch Game is about celebrity impersonation as much as the commercial challenge is about selling a product i.e. it’s great if you do those things well, but the actual task at hand is to make us laugh. Looking and sounding like the character definitely helps, but it’s meaningless if you don’t have jokes – getting those priorities mixed has routinely proven to be a fatal error.

2. Choose the right character

Not every queen’s repertoire includes celebrity impersonation, so doing it for the first time on Snatch Game can be a daunting task when you don’t have a tried and tested option up your sleeve. That said, there are a few quick wins when it comes to choosing a character that will more likely set you up for success even if you’ve never done them before. Picking someone Ru has heard of is usually a safer bet (so not your favourite TikToker); picking someone Ru loves could make you golden, but also risky if you don’t do them justice. Avoid at all costs: anyone whose fame rests on a singular catchphrase. Even if they have a few, the audience’s expectation that they’re coming removes the joy of spontaneity, and once you’ve used them all up you’ve only got your wits to rely on. The judges always say they’re looking for a point of view, so pick someone who you can create one around without forgetting, of course, to MAKE IT FUNNY.

3. Do your research

Among the dozens of Snatch Games that have taken place globally in the last 16 years, RuPaul has hosted more than 30 of them himself, wherein lies a wealth of information. Looking back at previous episodes, anyone can figure out what does and doesn’t tickle Ru’s funny bone, and that’s the holy grail right there. More practically, 100+ questions have been asked to previous contestants: write them down, make a list, figure out how your character(s) would respond. For the most part, the answers rarely need to be logical, they just need to be FUNNY. Doing this dry run of sorts, not only will you start to shape your character’s point of view, but you’ll also end up armed with a collection of nouns, verbs and adjectives that make sense for them, and you’ll have to do less thinking on the spot.

I reckon these tips are enough to at least set you up for a safe performance, however, if you’re not much impressed by advice from an opinionated, no-drag-knowledge fan, take it from an actual Snatch Game winner:

@ashleyxmadisonSnatch Game advice Part 1! After watching Season 17s snatch game, I thought I’d give future auditionees some advice

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@ashleyxmadisonAdvice for snatch game! Part TWO

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Snatch Game is often cited as the juncture in the season that separates the weak from the strong, and while I don’t think that’s entirely accurate, I do think it gives a very specific insight on who the queens are as entertainers that we don’t get from other challenges. Without the constraints of producer-provided scripts or lyrics (perhaps the real villains of maxi challenges), getting to see the choices they make in selecting a character and their unique way of interpreting them is revealing of the queens’ individual taste and sense of humour in a way that tells the audience ‘this is why you should be my fan’.

Realistically, I don’t see them ever doing away with Snatch Game, and as a viewer I fall into the camp that’s happy to see it on every season. Celebrity impersonation is a cornerstone of drag and it would be remiss to not include it in some capacity on the show. Variations of the challenge like RuPaul’s Gaff-In, Snatch Game of Love, and Canada’s take on Snatch Game: The Rusical haven’t materially added value to the basic premise, so I don’t think a change to the format is the answer. If future contestants can just figure out the basics of what to do (and, probably more crucially, what not to do) Snatch Game has every chance to reclaim its status as a fan favourite, putting all the romper room fuckery behind us for good.

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After appearing in four episodes, competing in three, and lip-syncing for her life in two, RuPaul finally told Joella she is not the one and asked her to sashay away from season 17 of Drag Race. Second-out queens historically don’t make for the most memorable of the franchise, but in her relatively short run it’s fair to say Joella has more than left her mark – perhaps for all the wrong reasons.

First impressions were mixed but promising. She walked in with a truly beautiful entrance look (in a reversal of fortune, turning out to be the best thing she wore all season), bags of confidence, and a screentime-guzzling storyline about her obsession with extra extra special premiere episode guest judge, Katy Perry. After professing that viewers could expect the “Joella Experience” to be a ‘high energy’ and ‘electrifying’ one, her first opportunity to prove that fell flat, with a disappointingly lacklustre talent show performance.

The thing about doing an original song for the talent show is that you already know it’s not going to be the only one, so you have to make sure it’s the best one (or, aiming for the middle, at least not the worst). Nothing about Joella’s number stood out; the song was ok, the look was ok, the stage presence was 6/10 – all in all, serviceable but forgettable. Speaking of serviceable but forgettable, let’s talk about her runway looks. Actually, that about sums it up.

Compared to the likes of Jewels Sparkles and Lucky Starzzz, whose respective performances of their own original songs were clearly in a different league, it was just made all the more clear that Joella was out of her depth. In spite of that, the democratic politics of Rate-A-Queen secured her spot in the third episode, narrowly avoiding a bottom placement.

So she’s not the best performer, maybe she can create a runway-ready look? All hopes of that were quickly put to bed in the Monopulence challenge, where her inability to sew or even glue a look together landed her in the bottom two.

So she’s not the best designer (being kind), maybe she can be funny? Cut to Bitch, I’m a Drag Queen! – though ostensibly a musical performance challenge, it was really about finding the humour and hamming it up – where she once again floundered. In her defense it wasn’t a complete trainwreck, but she was clearly out of her element and failed to demonstrate a flair for comedy, landing her once again in the bottom two.

So she’s not the best comedienne (quickly running out of talents here), surely she can lip sync? Though you could argue this has already been proven with one LSFYL win under her belt, I’d say that was less of an outright triumph and more that she only slightly bettered her shoeless opponent. The second time around she wasn’t so fortunate, where amongst a number of questionable creative choices in her performance, she committed THE cardinal sin of not knowing the words. Having already forgiven so much, it’s impossible to make allowances for the failure of meeting what is arguably the easiest and rudimentary task faced on Drag Race, no matter how liked the queen is (RIP Mirage).

Harsh as it feels to say, Joella’s stint on Drag Race has ultimately proven to be a showcase of what she’s not good at, at least as far as the competition is concerned. Where she’s managed to outshine every other queen, all probably too preoccupied with doing well to realise they were being trounced in a different competition altogether, is in Untucked. Though not exclusive to the main show’s secondary spin-off, Joella’s backstage monologues of delusion and fallacies have made her a fan-favourite amongst viewers and Drag Race alums.

The fact that she has endeared herself to thousands of new adoring fans is a truly wonderful thing, and something I would wish for all the show’s contestants regardless of how much time they got to spend on our screens. But this collective enthusiasm has evolved into a mob mentality demanding queens who make good TV at the expense of those who actually have a chance of doing well in the competition, a trend I don’t agree with.

Of course, being “good” at reality TV is a key facet of the genre, and nothing can command the spotlight quite like an abundance of misplaced confidence, but in this type of competition it can’t be the only thing you have to offer. The schadenfreude of witnessing someone have no idea how bad they are can be entertaining to a point, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that it’s actually not fun to watch someone competing on Drag Race who isn’t good at it.

That’s not to say every queen cast on Drag Race needs to be a potential winner: it’s usually quite obvious early on that there’s a mix of frontrunners, moderates, fillers, and early-outs by design, and to varying degrees some have made the cut on the strength of their personalities. In Joella’s case, it now seems like the stars aligned and her Katycat status is what sealed the deal. Did that make for a cute and unique story arc? Absolutely. Do I want to watch her struggle through 10 more episodes just to see what unintentionally funny she-nanigans she gets up to in Untucked? For me, that novelty has served its purpose and run its course, I think the real delusion is people calling for more of it.

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Strange Darling
Released: 23rd August 2024
Written by: JT Mollner
Directed by: JT Mollner

Strange Darling was heavily marketed on its “astonishing”, “knuckle-clenching”, and “unpredictable” turns, but for me, the biggest twist of all was how much I actually liked it by the end. That might sound like a compliment, but spending the best part of the first hour mentally oscillating between giving it a damnatory one- or generous two-star rating mid-watch wasn’t the most solid foundation of a net positive experience.

Like all great cinematic art, this one is prefaced by its creators with some general admin. First, a deftly inconspicuous, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it tech note:

There’s nothing like the comforting reassurance of knowing you’re in the hands of a Very Cool and Serious Auteur. A decidedly matter-of-fact opening crawl sets up the context for this dramatisation of “true” events we’re about to watch, except for the small detail that: they aren’t. More on that later. Sandwiched between these two bizarre creative choices is a brief exchange between the two main characters which will reappear later in the film only now it’s in black and white (*Serious Auteur vibes intensify*), cutting to a shot much more deserving of its own full-screen caveat with something to the effect of “TAKEN COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTEXT”.

Told in a series of inconsecutive chapters, the film finally starts more or less in the middle of the story where our lead actors are credited with their respective character names: the Lady and the Demon, which now makes us three for three with the red herrings. The Lady, dishevelled, disoriented, and one ear down is being relentlessly hunted by the Demon, who gets his own dramatic klaxon sound effect every time he appears on screen. This decontextualized chaos sets the tone for most of what follows in that there is a sustained nagging thought of knowing there’s something you don’t know that you’re supposed to know that when you do know will make sense of what’s going on, and you’re just waiting for whatever that something is to eventually be revealed. Even for a film with a whole scene dedicated to kinky shit, I found this kind of narrative “edging” to be tedious rather than intriguing, compared to a more conventional structure that might drip-feed you pieces of the puzzle without telegraphing one singular pivotal moment to hold out for.

The non-linear structure definitely makes the film more successful, but to the degree that its success is almost entirely dependent on it. Without that and the rather predictable twist on which it hinges, you’re basically left with a hookup gone violently wrong that doesn’t really have enough substance to make a story worth telling in its own right. I found one of the film’s (many) attempts to deliberately bait its audience into sticking firmly with their existing perception of gender norms particularly egregious when I discovered only after watching that it was in fact a complete work of fiction. JT Mollner’s wordy, neither-here-nor-there response when asked if there was a real-life inspiration seemingly confirms this:

Perhaps! [laughs] And I would encourage you to do as much research as you'd like, and decide for yourself how much truth you feel like there is in the movie. I'd rather not get deeply into that – because at this point before the movie comes out, I feel like getting too deeply into the inspirations for these crimes could end up venturing into spoiler territory! But to me, it's all real – inside my head and inside my heart! No, it feels very real to me, and hopefully it feels real to you after watching it.

JT Mollner, interviewed by Hannah Rose for CBR, 2024

A little white “based on a true story” lie could be forgiven, but boldly claiming to tell the story of “the most prolific and unique American serial killer of the 21st century” reads like a lazy ploy to ensure even the most casual observer of crime statistics will automatically assume it’s a man.

What saved the film for me was the final act (consisting of the last chapter and epilogue) which, frankly, was just a lot of fun, but somehow also manages to shoot itself in the foot at the last hurdle.

First, the good: by now we’re freed from the shackles of The Twist knowing that the Lady is less than ladylike, and can just enjoy seeing how this cat-and-mouse game plays out to its climax. Willa Fitzgerald, whose performance throughout is a wonder to behold, especially shines towards the end as you see her character’s seemingly unshakeable confidence slowly start to peel away while she realises her luck might have finally run out. Fitting for the film’s dark sense of humour, she has an uncanny Parker Posey-esque ability to infuse deadpan comedic delivery into every line of dialogue no matter what state of mind her character is in, and it never feels out of place.

The bad is not so much a disappointing creative choice, but rather, a problematic one. For all its attempts to subvert gender stereotypes, a short but pivotal scene in which the Lady evades arrest by pretending to be a victim of sexual assault swiftly undoes much of any good faith built towards the writer’s intentions behind doing so. Presumably impeded by a limited and insular lived experience of any actual gender inequality, Mollner girlbossed too close to the sun going full circle from “Hey, sexist pig! Women can be serial killers too, y’know! #FEMINISM” to “Believe them at your peril!”.

Strange Darling may fall short of the cleverness it seems to already be patting itself on the back for, but it did manage to deliver moments of genuine tension that kept me on edge, peppered with flashes of dark humour that prevented the story from becoming too dull. Its lead actors’ committed performances make for a compelling and worthwhile watch in their own right.

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Sources:

JT Mollner & Giovanni Ribsi on Strange Darling & Making a Candy-Colored Nightmare

Over its 16 seasons and countless spin-offs, RuPaul’s Drag Race has definitely settled into a winning formula its loyal audience has come to love and expect, but has also managed the impressive feat of making the show fresh enough to ensure they keep coming back. However, there are a few trends and tropes that have become stale over time (or were actually never that appealing in the first place) that could be tweaked or weeded out altogether to sustain the quality of this cultural phenomenon that has otherwise shown no signs of slowing down.

1. Eliminations in the first episode

More and more across the whole franchise, premiering with a non-elimination episode seems to be the rule rather than the exception – and I think that’s a good thing. If a queen is good enough to get cast then they’re good enough to keep around for at least two episodes (even if they’re not, who cares?) and let the audience get to know them better. There’s really no down-side to this for the queens or the audience, even if it does mean a guaranteed double sashay later down the line.

2. Unabashedly sponsored mini challenges

Remember when mini challenges used to be who can make the most padded badonkadonk, or a “chicken or what?” eating contest? Just straight up, unadulterated tomfoolery that maybe got you an advantage in the main challenge, but definitely made for iconic entertainment. Now they come with cash prizes, which is great, but at what cost?! Sponsored mini challenges aren’t bothersome in and of themselves, but lately it seems like a prerequisite to even have a mini challenge in the episode, and then the whole thing is built around whatever product they’re trying to flog and need to shoehorn in.

3. Male/fictional Snatch Game characters

It’s not lost on me that performing as a male celebrity or made-up character on Snatch Game has proven to be a decent strategy to winning, and I’ll even admit that a few like Thorgy’s Michael Jackson and Gigi’s Maria the Robot are amongst my favourites. But, I think that while it is important to “just make it funny”, ultimately the whole point of Snatch Game is to channel the time-honoured tradition of female celebrity impersonation in the drag community, so it feels like a loophole that isn’t in the spirit of the challenge.

4. Being judged as a group

It often seems like the decision to judge as groups or individually comes down to whatever narrative the producers want to run with, and in a way it’s their right to do so. To me, it’s just a shame when someone who objectively doesn’t deserve to be in the bottom ends up there just because someone more deserving was fortunate enough to be on a winning team. Individual judging as standard just seems more meritocratic.

5. Ballad lip sync songs

Perhaps the most legitimately unpopular opinion on this list, but a hit I’m willing to take. Low-tempo lip syncs, however heartfelt, just feel too anti-climactic to make a satisfying ending to an episode, and aren’t particularly entertaining to watch. It also makes it much harder to determine who the winner is in a format that is already onerously subjective. Except, of course, in the case of Kenya Michaels who did not understand the assignment.

6. Arguments about the line-up order

For every comedy challenge, there is invariably at least five minutes of screen time dedicated to bickering about who goes when, courtesy of whoever was unlucky enough to win that week’s mini challenge. What consistently transpires is that the people with the best material do well and the people with the worst material do badly, and that’s basically what it boils down to. A bit of manufactured drama never hurt anyone (at least not me, a spectator), but let’s put this one to bed for good.

7. All Stars lipstick chats

This only really worked well in All Stars season 2 when the elimination twist took everyone by surprise and nobody knew what the fuck was going on. Since then, it has become a predictable rehash of the same conversation over and over again: “I have so much more to show”, “It’s really lit a fire under me” etc. etc. that doesn’t provide much entertainment value. With the recent adoption of a completely non-elimination format in two All Stars seasons, I wouldn’t mind keeping that around if only to do away with these tedious talks.

8. Ball challenge with the whole cast

In theory, I understand the thinking behind giving all the queens the opportunity to show as many looks as possible, and from that point of view it totally makes sense. But, in practice, watching 30+ runways in one sitting is a lot, to the point where it’s beyond enjoyment and more of a chore. If we’re being really honest, based on offerings to date not all those looks needed to be seen. In earlier seasons the ball used to be towards the last few episodes which meant you were getting around 15 looks and was just much more digestible.

9. Snatch Game of Love

I appreciate the effort and thought to switch things up for All Stars, but Snatch Game of Love is not a winner, baby. At best, the format doesn’t add anything, at worst, it’s a distraction from the entertainment value at the core of what the challenge is supposed to be. Having two Snatch Games on All Stars 7 where everyone got to do two characters each, while not the most inspired of changes, was vastly more watchable, proving that often the simplest solution is the best one.

10. Boring finale episodes

It’s ironic that by the end of the season when left with the best four/five competitors, their talents are wasted on a majority filler episode of drawn out reminiscing and staple conversation topics, leading up to a well-executed but ultimately forgettable music performance. To be clear, I’m talking about the final studio-based competitive episodes and not the live finales (though they’re not without their own problems). This never felt so apparent in the earlier seasons, probably because the episodes were shorter, but they don’t seem to have figured out how to fill the extra time in a worthwhile way. Much like the All Stars lipstick chats, the “younger self” main stage segment, while very heartwarming, has by now become repetitive and formulaic.

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What are you fucking fed up of seeing on Drag Race?

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When And Just Like That… first strutted onto our screens, everyone knew it had big Manolos to fill, and expectations were high. Following just under a year of feverish anticipation and “BUT WHAT ABOUT SAMANTHA?!?!!” discourse, the pop culture institution that had already spanned three decades was about to enter a fourth by returning to its small screen roots as a notably revamped foray into the SATCCU (Sex and the City cinematic universe), and fans were poised to once again be transported to this delusionally quixotic portrayal of the New York City high life.

Since hopes of a third film had already been dashed, and at this point deeply in the midst of omnipresent doom from a certain global p-word, Gen Xers and geriatric millennials alike were desperate enough to lap up some quality time with their favourite fabulous foursome in whatever way they could get – even sans Kim Cattrall.

With a new name and newly supersized cast, its debut worked overtime bringing us up to speed on what 2021 looked like for Carrie et al. (including Samantha, whose absence is swiftly explained within the first 60 seconds), and perhaps most importantly, introducing us to everyone’s assigned person of colour. Even with all the acquainting and reacquainting, its double-episode premiere was ultimately dominated by the sudden demise of John James “Mr. Big” Preston, who sadly died from a fatal combination of overexertion and a wife who should be absolutely no one’s in case of emergency contact.

The grief from Big’s death rippled through the remainder of season one, but even that couldn’t compare to the pain and suffering we endured witnessing the unrecognisable reanimated corpse of something we loved so much. What was once celebrated for its razor-sharp dialogue and daring subject matter had now been reduced to 44-minute instalments of clunky exposition, painfully conspicuous virtue signalling, and the bothersome comic stylings of resident jester and agent of chaos, Che Diaz. While it was great to have these women back in our lives, it was disappointing to see just how much the writers had managed to get wrong. So I couldn’t help but wonder: was this a revival, or just dead on arrival?

Seemingly not the latter, in the eyes of streamer Max, who despite much public derision renewed AJLT for a second season, and even with all that’s been said I have to admit I was pleased. Season one was mainly a letdown for failing to live up to what it could have been (by some way), but that doesn’t mean to say it had nothing going for it. For starters, everyone and everything looked fucking amazing, so it was comforting to know that whatever wacky shit was going on with the characters, the all-frills no-expense-spared approach would at least provide a treat for the eyes. Secondly, the entire cast was and continues to be genuinely top-notch, with original players effortlessly reprising the characters we know and love, and new ones bringing a much-needed fresh dynamic. Its biggest draw and likely the reason people kept coming back for more, was good old nostalgia – something so unique that it can’t be manufactured. Though it felt like sentimentality was definitely doing most of the heavy lifting, it was never going to be enough to sustain something with longevity, especially when viewers didn’t always feel that the characters were being written in a way that felt true to their origins.

Season two arrived with all that potential still up its sleeve, expectations considerably lowered, and the opportunity to atone for its predecessor’s crimes. So, as AJLT’s sophomore effort came to its conclusion this week, I couldn’t help but wonder: had the show managed to evolve from an underwhelming comeback to something that could actually stand on its own merits, just like that? Well, almost.

To give due credit, a number of things have got better. The once-new characters now feel more holistically embedded in the fabric of the show, so they don’t come across simply as jarring manifestations of the original purpose their inclusion served. Attempts to tell stories from more diverse points of view are comparatively more seamless and less flag-wavy (save for the literal pride flag sticker on Che’s laptop), perhaps one of the first season’s biggest peeves. There are even fleeting moments when certain scenes and storylines feel genuinely Sex and the City-esque, which are not only great to watch but also make you wonder why the writers don’t recognise that at the end of the day, this is really what the people want.

Unfortunately, there are a number of issues still keeping this rotten tomato from being certified fresh, made more annoying by the fact that many of them are so glaringly obvious and easy to fix that they should really know better.

Too many characters

While I do think the expansion of the cast has broadly been a positive thing, they haven’t quite figured out how to make the best use of an ensemble this size in a way that serves the characters and the audience. Even with a longer runtime, jumping between multiple storylines over the course of one episode can feel both crammed and rushed, more in the vein of a daytime soap. Nowadays, other TV shows with large casts have a better grasp of the fact that you don’t have to bend over backwards to try and fit in every character in every episode, rather giving focus to a select few and alternating over the course of the season.

Another problem this seems to create is weird, often abrupt cuts between scenes that feel like they suddenly end just as they were starting to get going. This makes the loss of Carrie’s voiceover even more pronounced, as that simple touch could easily contribute to more harmonious transitions from one thing to the next. Showrunner, Michael Patrick King, explains the reasoning behind this:

I always knew there would be no voiceover, because the thesis of this show is that Carrie has no overview. She’s in it. And the fun of Sex and the City was that she’s almost looking at it from above, and she’s summing it all up. Even if it was an ugly moment, Carrie would have a voiceover that could lighten it and give you distance on it and make the audience feel taken care of.

Michael Patrick King, Variety, 2022

So you see, it’s less fun on purpose. Thanks, MPK!

Carrie is still kind of the worst

You want your main character to tread that line of being flawed but relatable; not so off-putting that you can’t see yourself in them, but messy enough to keep things interesting. In recent years, SATC-era Carrie Bradshaw has not been looked upon favourably by today’s commentators, who have noted the number of ways in which she was generally a bad person, and worse friend. Self-described “new chapter” AJLT should have been just that for Carrie, and was the perfect opportunity for some form of redemption, but it seems like the only personal growth she’s had is in her bank account.

Some of Carrie’s antics which back in the day we may have forgiven as the adorable tomfoolery of a dizzy thirty-something just tryna figure things out, now seem downright childish. Season one, when Natasha – to whom Carrie has never been anything but a menace – blocks her on Instagram, she resorts to stalking the poor woman. Season two, she single-handedly tanks her own podcast taking everyone else involved down with her, because she won’t say “vagina” on her own show… about sex. Worst of all, she still refers to her dead adult husband as “Big”, an unendearing nickname intended to reduce him to a cartoonish stereotype that she only ever used behind his back. For God’s sake, woman – you’re 56!

One way in which Carrie did change significantly, and not necessarily for the better, was following the loss of her husband. In the most tragic of circumstances, the first love of her life died in her arms: and just like that… Carrie joined the 1% club. In the original series, there was an unspoken acceptance that Carrie’s presumed income compared to her lifestyle did not add up. While the other three women of the core four had more realistic means of living somewhat luxuriously, we were happy to delude ourselves into the fantasy that Carrie’s existence was aspirational from a safe distance. Now, with an obscene amount of inherited wealth, they have completely done away with any pretence of relatability, and sheer affluence has simply become the standard. When we first met Carrie, her biggest indulgence was buying a pair of designer shoes. Very relatable. Now, she’s snapping up multi-million dollar real estate without a second thought as if it were nothing more than, well, a pair of shoes. Not so relatable.

We need to talk about Che

First of all, it must be said: we LOVE Sara Ramirez, and the multi-talented, Tony award-winning actor is truly a gift to the show. Previously known for playing Dr. Callie Torres on Grey’s Anatomy, who remains my favourite character of the series to this day, largely in part to their incredible performance, screen presence, beauty, and charisma, all of which they bring to this world. In playing AJLT’s most controversial character, they have probably felt the most heat since the show debuted.

The central problem is, quite unfathomably, the writers have created a character so utterly unlikeable that isn’t actually meant to be a villain. When you’re not supposed to like someone, you don’t feel so compelled to vent about how much you feel that way. Shows like this are supposed to have antagonists who come and go, not set up shop and be the catalyst for a main character’s divorce. So by presenting Che as a viable love interest for Miranda, while making them conceited, borderline cruel, and (adding insult to injury) an agonisingly unfunny comedian, it essentially sets them up for a hate train.

Che’s cockiness doesn’t come across as the finely-aged confidence of someone pushing 50, but rather the arrogance of a twenty-something who thinks they already have everything figured out. Much worse is they are frequently and consistently mean to and impatient with Miranda, in a way that never makes you sympathetic to their point of view. It never hurts to give even the most confident of characters an ounce of humility, but even in their moments of vulnerability they only ever seem whiny and entitled. The small sliver of hope is that when they’re not with Miranda they’re actually pretty tolerable, and now that relationship is over we just might have the opportunity to see a better side of Che.

Ridiculous plot development

This could be an entire article unto itself, with every episode having holes so gaping you’d think they bottommed for Giuseppe, but these are some B plots that really should have been more thought out.

Seema & Ravi

When we meet Seema’s latest love interest, Ravi Gordi, it’s made quite clear he’s a Very Busy Man who’s always on his phone taking Very Important Calls. So far, so one-dimensional. They’re introduced to each other in what is ostensibly going to be a business relationship, and we don’t see him again until the next episode. Fast forward a week (which in AJLT time is actually three weeks) Seema has shown him every overpriced apartment in New York and is at the tipping point of her patience before Ravi drops a bomb. “Here is the plot twist:” (whatever could it be??) “if I had taken the best three weeks ago, I wouldn’t have had these wonderful afternoons with you.” AWWWW. They then proceed to bang in a stranger’s bed.

While that “plot twist” could be seen coming from a mile off, this scenario makes no sense for either character. They’re both people who are unmistakably characterised as the type who knows what they want and have no problem going after it. Seema is (unofficially) substitute Samantha, and Ravi, as previously discussed, is VERY busy. It’s frankly implausible that they’d spend all that time together without either one just asking the other out, or if we had to see them in this state of uncontrollable lust they could have just banged at the first place they viewed together. It’s certainly not the first instance when characters have been written in a way that seems totally at odds with their personality, but this one was particularly brazen.

Anthony & Giuseppe

It’s ironic that SATC was often criticised for having straight female characters written as if they were gay men, and yet they’ve managed to do such a poor job for the actual gay men on the show. Anthony has been promoted to series regular for AJLT, and while this does contribute to the issue of too many storylines, it does mean more screen time for the fantastic Mario Cantone which is ultimately a net positive. With the tragic death of Willie Garson, Stanford has been demoted to off-screen Shinto monk in Japan, leaving Anthony on the market for a new beau. Enter Italian poet Guiseppe, whose introduction so absurdly transcends the suspension of disbelief that it appears to set the standard for the remainder of their relationship.

Anthony needs a new hot fella yesterday, and with very specific criteria; Charlotte manages to find this unicorn almost instantaneously with a simple turn of her head towards LITERALLY the first man she lays eyes on, in a conflict/resolution narrative arc that is regrettably faithful to the show’s name. Blah blah, Drew Barrymore, dick print, [double entendres] etc. Giuseppe is hired as a full-time hot fella, creating an opportunity for their relationship to evolve. Cut to Anthony at his bakery kneading dough, the mere image of which telegraphs the Ghost homage we’re about to witness, where Giuseppe “comes out” to his bemused employer who seemingly hasn’t managed to clock this in the month they’ve worked together. Sorry, but any gay worth their salt is not buying this sequence of events! Yes, it’s uncouth to speculate about someone’s sexuality, but gay people know other gay people are gay, and if they don’t know they suspect, and if they suspect they confirm their suspicions within 24 hours.

Amazingly, this homophobic representation gets even worse. After firing then unfiring Giuseppe on the spot, and later being reassured he’s not just after a green card thanks to his dual citizenship (another quite crucial revelation which thus far has managed to be sidestepped in both their professional and romantic relationship?!) Anthony is ready to take their connection to the next level. Moments after they have sex (presumably for the first time) an unintentionally hilarious conversation ensues:

“And now: my turn to fuck you, yes?”

“Ah, no.”

“Oh, really? And why not?”

“Because it’s not who I am.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’re the bottom, I’m not.”

“I’m bottom, I’m top, I’m in love – with you.”

Where to begin. I don’t know if the writers actually want us to think that these are two people who never speak to each other except for when they’re on screen, but it’s INCONCEIVABLE that this conversation hadn’t already taken place between a gay couple more than five dates deep, and certainly before their first time in bed. Then we have the dreaded top/bottom discourse, which could have been an interesting topic to explore had it not been lifted from a 1970s guide to homosexual courtship. Anthony admits his tendency to equate bottomming with femininity is a deep-rooted generational belief, and pertinent as that connection might be, I don’t see why there needs to be a place for that particular point of view on television in 2023. His unwillingness to bottom for Giuseppe serves as their central story arc for the remainder of the season, forming a rather crude metaphor for his fear of letting him in emotionally. It’s an odd exploitation of gay sexuality for the sake of a contrived narrative that could have been approached in a number of different ways, especially at a writers’ table with a gay man at its head.

The MILF list

Less serious but equally as annoying, I’ll skip over the part of this story where a group of adult women are shown briefly lusting after a high school student and it’s all brushed off as desperate housewife lolz, and get straight to the list itself – not the names on the list, the actual list.

The problem, as you might be wondering, is that we are somehow expected to believe this PDF file, containing nothing more than ~40 words, is TEN MEGABYTES. I don’t know who’s responsible for this (something I can finally not blame on the writers) but even the boomeriest of boomers wouldn’t be this tech-illiterate.

The kids aren’t alright

Getting to see the evolution of the main characters now having to deal with parenthood as well as all the sex and all the city has been a great added dimension to the show, but do their respective offspring all need to be so fucking irritating? Yes, the challenges of raising children (and teenagers in particular) is great fodder for storytelling and character growth, but these ones operate in ways that are exclusively whiny and entitled. Maybe it’s an intentional portrayal of the consequences of growing up amongst tremendous wealth, with Lily penning nepo-baby anthem The Power of Privilege showing a glimpse of self-awareness. That said, the Todd Wexley kids, who we’ve seen the least of, also appear to be part of the wealthiest family and yet are the best behaved.

I wouldn’t necessarily mind seeing more storylines involving the kids because they provide a new lens through which to view the main characters, but giving them a better attitude at least some of the time wouldn’t be such a terrible idea.

The return of Aidan

Aidan coming back was inevitable; given how heavily the show relies on nostalgia, they couldn’t not bring him back, and for the same reason it couldn’t be reduced to a fleeting kiss. To be fair, except for so much of their story hinging on his refusal to enter her old apartment, the development of their relationship has been done quite well. But part of me still wishes that when it comes to Carrie’s relationships we would be looking forward rather than backwards. This rekindling even made Carrie reconsider her relationship with Big, wondering if it was a big mistake… which, of course, it was – they were both terrible for each other! But from the SATC series finale until his death, this universe has continued to build on the foundation that theirs was somehow the ultimate love story, and her reunion with Aidan is forcing them to say the quiet part out loud – it never really was.

Where the end of season one left Carrie on the precipice of an exciting new romance, season two has dropped her in a five-year relationship time out. Strangely presented as an inconvenient but reasonable solution, the two will be expected to somehow maintain a tenuous relationship with limited in-person contact for the best part of a decade. It’s hard to imagine that actually playing out towards a happy ending, with season three likely to be dominated by the challenges created by all their time spent apart, or we might be treated to a time jump courtesy of Aidan’s Thanos-like finger snaps.

AJLT definitely started to find its stride with season two, and there is an optimistic sense that it’s heading in the right direction for the next one. But, if we’re being honest, does it really matter? Truth be told, our relationship with this show is much like the love Carrie always dreamed of: ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love. And just like Carrie (pun intended) we’ll keep coming back for more, even if deep down we know it’s not good for us.

This article was originally published on the Pop Warrior blog, 25 August 2023

Where to watch

• Find out where you can stream or purchase digitally on JustWatch UK | USA
  (you can also check availability in other countries using the filter)

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📖 Further reading

• And Just Like That… The Writers Room
  Michael Patrick King and his team of writers/producers talk about their process and behind-the-scenes tea, all the while sounding awfully and unwaveringly pleased with themselves, episode by episode on the official companion podcast. Also available on YouTube.

• The Guilty Feminist Watches And Just Like That
  Sex and the City superfan Deborah Frances-White and friends do a brilliant and thoroughly entertaining job dissecting each episode, with a more objective point of view.

Sources

More ‘Sex and the City’? Michael Patrick King Dishes on ‘And Just Like That,’ Samantha’s Texts and the Future of Carrie Bradshaw

Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Released: 31st July 1992
Written by: Joss Whedon
Directed by: Fran Rubel Kuzui

Buffy Summers is familiar to most from her eponym TV series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which to this day is an enduring staple of pop culture despite having ended way back in 2003.

The character remains synonymous with its star, Sarah Michelle Gellar, who slayed in every sense of the word as the embodiment of this cult TV superhero-cum-feminist icon over its seven-year run.

While Gellar’s is arguably the best incarnation of Buffy, hers was not the first. Five years before hitting the small screen, Buffy was introduced to the world in a 1992 feature-length film of the same name starring Kristy Swanson.

A critical and commercial flop, the film failed to make any lasting impact, a reputation made only more famous and prolonged by the subsequent ubiquity of the series which it has repeatedly been compared to since. Even more damning, writer and creator, Joss Whedon, has spoken candidly about the difficulties in getting his vision from page to screen, and his disappointment with the final product.

It didn’t turn out to be the movie that I had written. They never do, but that was my first lesson in that. Not that the movie is without merit, but I just watched a lot of stupid wannabe-star behaviour and a director with a different vision than mine—which was her right, it was her movie—but it was still frustrating.

Joss Whedon, AV Club, 2001

Poorly-received all round, the film has never managed to shake off its legacy as a dud, and is universally derided when mentioned in the same breath as its much more successful TV counterpart.

But, as Whedon himself admits, the film is not without merit, and it’s a shame that this is rarely considered. Firstly, Whedon’s core idea is very much present: subverting the victim-prone ditsy blonde trope to one who, while still holding many of those characteristics, is also powerful and multi-dimensional. Even by the early 90s heroic female characters were still something of a rarity, especially those who managed to be formidable while not at the expense of their femininity. Secondly, the dialogue is brimming with Whedon’s trademark quips, which (liked or loathed) were central to the appeal of the series. Though it could quite fairly be dismissed as nothing more than a fun but silly film, the unique qualities brought by Whedon should at least set it apart from the temptation to write it off as an unmitigated disaster.

I first watched the film years before the series had ever materialised – without the internet to tell me how “bad” it was (and, to be fair, with a much less discerning pre-teen point of view) – so was able to enjoy it just for what it was, and three decades on I think it still holds up. So, if you need a little convincing, here’s a look at all the reasons why Buffy the film doesn’t suck!

Once More, Without Flopping

The elephant in the room (which has already been noted, but bears repeating) is how the series very clearly outdoes the film by every possible metric, so to make comparisons based on overall quality would be pointless, and we’re not here to do that.

Joss and I always talk about [a movie], but the thing with Buffy is that Buffy was a movie, and it ultimately didn’t work as a film. And I mean, we had such miles to overcome when we were trying to do a TV show based on a movie. And one of the reasons is that the story works better over time.

Sarah Michelle Gellar, E! News, 2013

As well as the massively different storytelling formats, the five year gap that separates them, while not a huge amount of time, definitely accounts for significant differences in style and tone. The series’ proximity to the cusp of the new millennium gives it a relatively modern edge compared to the heady days of 1992 which more intensely evoke the qualities of everything that makes that decade feel dated. More worthwhile is looking at what the film has that the series lacks, and to what extent the former influenced the latter.

With the film plotting Buffy’s origin as the slayer, there is some overlap in the story that extends to the series, though over the years this has become somewhat muddied. The series’ pilot episode begins with Buffy having recently moved to Sunnydale from Los Angeles. It’s quickly established that the Summerses are trying to move on from a past they’d rather forget, while dropping her off on her first day of school Joyce offers some well-intentioned but candid parting motherly advice:

Allusions to events of the film are specific enough to suggest that this serves as a continuation of that story, but not everything lines up quite so neatly. Principal Flutie (RIP) notes her previous attendance at Hemery High – the same school in the film – and her expulsion after burning down the vampire- asbestos-ridden gym. While the gruesome final act of the film does indeed take place in the school gym, there’s no real indication that it subsequently went up in flames by Buffy’s doing. Another notable inconsistency is Buffy’s age; though not stated in the film, she is already a senior so presumably older than in the series where she begins as a 16-year-old sophomore. The one remaining bridge between the two mediums comes in the form of a short flashback sequence at the end of season two showing a tenuously similar but abbreviated version of how Buffy met her first watcher, and the discovery of her birthright. Apart from Merrick’s name in credit only and Gellar’s decidedly air-headed valley girl take on pre-Sunnydale Buffy, there’s little sense that in telling the story of her past there was any intention to specifically elicit memories of the film.

Comic miniseries, The Origin, released in 1999, retells the events of the film adapted from Whedon’s original script with the intention of serving as a true prequel to the series, essentially hybridising the two. With Whedon more or less stating that it can be accepted as canon, this does effectively sever any ties between the film and the series in that respect.

Two more characters lucky enough to appear in both formats – though with very different characterisations – are Buffy’s parents, known in the film simply as ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’, getting an upgrade for the series to Joyce and Hank Summers, respectively. Whereas in the series we have Joyce as the quintessential loving and well-intentioned suburban TV mother (Hank shown as little more than an absentee father) in the film they make a brief but memorable appearance portrayed quite antithetically as vacuous, wealthy, dim-witted Beverly Hills-types i.e. exactly the kind of people who’d name their kid ‘Buffy’.

Though it’s interesting to see the polar opposite interpretations of what Buffy’s parents could look like, they definitely both make complete sense in their own formats. In the film, her character arc is predominantly about becoming less self-involved to take on her responsibilities as the slayer, so Mom and Dad are an effective representation of the environment she begins as the product of. By the time we get to the series that character development has already happened, and is now much more about managing her slayer responsibilities alongside trying to have a normal-ish life, so it’s fitting that she also has a normal-ish parent to enable that particular struggle. It might have been quite funny to keep original ‘Mom’ in the series, but unless we think Joyce moved from LA to Sunnydale via Snog Marry Avoid? it’s fair to say that the character was just completely revamped to be more of a thoughtful and engaged motherly figure, providing both stability and contention in Buffy’s continued journey.

Taking a step back from the finer details, one of the broader differences that really sets the two apart is the overall tone: Buffy the series is campy, Buffy the film is CAMP. Another compromise made to Whedon’s dissatisfaction, where he had intended the original story to be dark with a sense of humour (later exemplified well in his own TV production), the film turned out to be more of a frivolous horror/comedy. The good news for fans being, if you’re willing to lean into that you’re going to have a lot more fun.

A killer cast

For all its criticisms, the film boasts a surprisingly impressive cast of familiar faces – including a whopping THREE future Oscar winners – who all do a great job of wielding their innate star power.

Kristy Swanson as Buffy Summers
Ironically as the lead performer, Swanson is probably one of the least well-known nowadays from this list (though has continued to work steadily to date), but is charismatic enough to lead us through Buffy’s journey from vapid cheerleader to butt-kicking slayer. The film begins with Buffy as part of a mean girls clique who collectively share a brain cell between them, though she does stand out as having a bit more to her, and Swanson does a competent job of embodying both sides of the character. Though it’s hard to imagine anyone else being able to offer the range and depth Gellar provided in the series, Swanson definitely deserves props for her own take in the film.

Donal Sutherland as Merrick
Adding some gravitas to the cast while being a menace on set, Sutherland famously rubbed Whedon up the wrong way with allegations of rewriting his own lines and being rude to everyone. As Buffy’s first watcher, Sutherland is stern and nurturing in equal measure, though Merrick lacks the more layered warmth of the series’ Rupert Giles.

Hilary Swank as Kimberly
Ladies and gentlemen: two-time Academy Award® winner, Hilary Swank, doing a fabulous job of playing the meanest mean girl in her big screen debut with a rare but well-executed comedic performance.

Luke Perry as Pike
The eminent 90s teen heartthrob, admist the height of his Beverly Hills, 90210 fame Perry is as dreamy and lovable as you’d expect in the role of Buffy’s nuisance/love interest.

David Arquette as Benny
Arquette doing what he does best in one of his early roles playing the mischievous sidekick to Pike, featuring in a particularly memorable scene with a hot dog.

Rutger Hauer as Lothos
As well as being one of Buffy’s most fashionably-dressed adversaries, Hauer brings an unexpected level of camp to his performance as generations-old Lothos which really cements the enjoyment to be had in not taking things very seriously.

Paul Reubens as Amilyn
Stealing every scene he’s in, Reubens is about as far away from Pee-wee Herman as you can get in the role of Lothos’ loyal minion, giving hilarity and a healthy dose of gay subtext. Swanson admitted at a 2021 panel talk that this (spoilery) scene with Reubens was one of the hardest to get through just because she couldn’t keep a straight face.

Ben Affleck as Basketball Player #10 (uncredited)
Ok this is a reach as he doesn’t have any lines and his Oscar wins weren’t even for acting, but I bet he still makes J-Lo watch this.

A few more notable famous faces include Stephen Root (Office Space), Thomas Jane (Hung), with some blink-and-you’ll-miss-them appearances from Ricki Lake, Alexis Arquette, and Buffy series alumn Seth Green.

Given the chance, Buffy the film might have been able to salvage itself as a future cult film, but was perpetually eclipsed by the series’ success. Would I give up the existence of the series just for the film to retrospectively have its day? Obviously not, but at the same time were it not for the film’s existence we may not have even had the series, and certainly not in the iconic form we know and love.

Whether you’re a fan of the series or not (but especially if you are), if you haven’t seen the film because you believed the bad press or it just flew under your radar, give it a chance with fresh eyes and you might have a newfound love for this camp classic.

Watch the trailer

This article was originally published on the Pop Warrior blog, 31 December 2022

Where to watch

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer is available to buy on DVD and Blu-ray

• Find out where you can stream or purchase digitally on JustWatch UK | USA
  (you can also check availability in other countries using the filter)

🗨️ Join the discussion

Do you think the 1992 Buffy the Vampire Slayer film deserves more love?

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📖 Further reading

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer (film) Buffyverse Wiki

• The Unsung Brilliance of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ the Movie

• ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ TV Tropes

Sources

Joss Whedon – AV Club

Kristy Swanson Buffy Panel – Steel City Con December 2021

An ‘all winners’ season of Drag Race had been a long time coming, and it’s fair to say that All Stars 7 more than lived up to its expectations.

Historically, All Stars seasons have been something of a mixed bag as far as casts go; once lineups are announced you can normally pick out the frontrunners from the Mandoras before they even set foot in the werk room, but with all winners it’s a guaranteed no-filler competition. Eliminations (as well as their controversial All Stars format) have also been done away with altogether, leaving all the queens free to showcase their best every week in pursuit of winning a coveted legendary legend star without the drama of contrived bottom-two placements and dodgy voting tactics.

A recipe that has made for one of the best and most enjoyable seasons of Drag Race ever, naturally you’d expect mama Ru to repeat this winning formula at some point down the line, begging the question: which queens should make up the next cast?

Though a smaller pool of eligible queens to choose from, the exponential growth of the franchise has meant that now at any given time there is probably at least one version of the show airing, and with a record nine new champions crowned in 2021 alone the winners’ circle is becoming bigger by the year. While every winner has already proven their worthiness of a crown, when it comes to snatching the title of ‘Queen of all Queens’ there are definitely some further up the line for that throne than others.

DISCLAIMERS:

1. In case you hadn’t already guessed, this list contains spoilers for winning contestants across the entire franchise, including international editions.

2. I’ve yet to watch The Switch Drag Race and Drag Race Thailand, so their winners weren’t considered only for the fact that I don’t know who they are. If you think they should be in the running lmk in the comments!

Bob the Drag Queen

RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 8 (2016)

Bob was a force to be reckoned with on her original season, a comedy powerhouse winning three maxi challenges, a feat all the more impressive being achieved on one of the show’s shortest runs of only 10 episodes. Bob has been one of the most successful winners coming out of the show, staying booked and busy on TV with her own comedy specials and Emmy-nominated series We’re Here, as well as her hugely popular podcast with drag sister (and current All Stars 7 competitor) Monét X Change.

An obvious choice for an all winners All Stars season, Bob spoke of her eagerness to compete again as recently as last year (when it was still only rumoured), citing current competitor Jinkx Monsoon as her biggest potential threat.

So I have contributed to this narrative — I can acknowledge that. If there was an all-winners season, I would compete on it because I just love drag and I love competing. Of course, schedule permitting. And I think that my biggest competition would probably be Jinkx Monsoon. She’s really a brilliant performer, she’s beautiful, she’s talented, and she’s funny.

Bob the Drag Queen, interviewed by Brian Galindo for BuzzFeed (2021)

Naturally, many fans were surprised to see her missing from the cast lineup when it was formally announced, speculating that it was most likely due to lack of schedule availability. Bob cleared this up on an episode of Sibling Rivalry, explaining that in fact she just wasn’t asked.

Bob had also previously said on Sibling Watchery that she wouldn’t come back for anything less than a $1,000,000 cash prize, though seemingly this is no longer a dealbreaker.

Season 8 was criticised during its run for having an obvious winner in Bob from day one (I mean, they had a point) so it’s only right that we should get to see her compete with other queens of the highest calibre, giving her more of a run for her money.

Priyanka

Canada’s Drag Race, Season 1 (2020)

Priyanka charmed her way into everyone’s hearts as a contestant on Canada’s Drag Race’s inaugural season, brimming with charisma while remaining refreshingly relatable and looking gorgeous. Her road to the crown was not without its bumps: though she managed to get two maxi challenge wins under her belt – one fewer than runner-up, Rita Baga – she also landed twice in the bottom two.

Even with her big personality, ironically she stumbled at character-based challenges, including a Snatch Game performance she’d probably rather forget. The silver lining was that it led directly to her iconic and unforgettable Celine Dion lip sync, proving her worth as a fierce performer.

When asked about the possibility of competing again in an All Stars season she told Gay Times enthusiastically “I’m in and I win”, betting on her lip syncing skills to help her snatch another crown.

I know that I could probably send anybody home in a lip-sync. Could you imagine me against Sasha Velour? Oh god, it would be so good.

Priyanka, interviewed by Sam Damshenas for Gay Times (2020)

@thequeenpriyankalmao I’m unhinged #winners #rupaulsdragrace * this is not a confirmation of a season two this is just me being dumb

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Priyanka is one of the best and most likeable winners across the whole franchise to date, and she could definitely hold her own against the US queens.

Aquaria

RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 10 (2018)

Aquaria sashayed into the werk room at the tender age of 21 with the confidence and talent of a seasoned veteran. Establishing herself early on as the season’s fashion queen, she went on to win the most maxi challenges including the ball, Snatch Game, and final competitive challenge all while never placing in the bottom two.

Though “look” queens can often fall into the trap of relying too much on their runway presentations, her winning turn as Melania Trump proved she could go toe to toe with the comedy queens, and her skills as a trained dancer made every stage performance all the more dazzling.

Following her win the fashion world welcomed her with open arms as she went on to sign with IMG Models, walked the red carpet at the Met Gala as one of the first ever drag queens to do so, and performed as a part of Rihanna’s Savage X Fenty Beauty Fashion Show during New York Fashion Week.

When asked directly if she would ever compete in an (at the time, hypothetical) All Stars winners’ season, she told Cosmopolitan “I don’t necessarily need to. I enjoy sharing my art to those that enjoy me and not trying to appeal to those who don’t.”

Not exactly encouraging, but also not a definite “no”. Given how well she performed on her original run, it would be incredible to see how far she’s come in the last five years and would be a phenomenal addition to any All Stars cast.

Alaska

RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Season 2 (2016)

Drag Race superfan, Alaska, famously auditioned for every season until finally getting cast on her 5th attempt. As a first-time competitor she had a brilliant run, winning two maxi challenges and making it all the way to the final without placing in the bottom two, but just missing out on the crown which ultimately went to Jinkx Monsoon. When it was announced that she had been cast on All Stars 2, she was singled out as an early frontrunner – and with good reason. She went on to win five out of eight possible maxi challenges (as well as both mini challenges) and her iconic Mae West Snatch Game character has since become one of the most legendary performances in the show’s herstory.

As well as being one of Drag Race’s most accomplished competitors, Alaska has gone on to maintain a moderately successful music career – both as a solo artist, and as part of drag supergroup, The AAA Girls, with fellow alumni, Courtney Act and Willam – make numerous film and television appearances, and co-host popular Drag Race recap podcast, Race Chaser.

Another queen fans were surprised to see absent from the All Stars 7 cast list, during Race Chaser’s first episode recap, Alaska jokes that Ru asked her to “sit this one out” due to her overwhelming beauty, but then goes on to explain how things really went down:

This season… ok, I was very apprehensive going into it because when I wasn’t asked to be on it I was very, very emotional and I was very, very hurt and sad by that, so I was like, ‘Is this gonna be too hard? Is it gonna be just really difficult for me to even watch it and talk about it?’, and I just have to say that it’s really so incredible, and I’m so glad that this is happening, and I’m so glad that this is happening with these girls.

Alaska, speaking on Race Chaser (2022)

Starts at 1:18:20

If another ‘all winners’ season happens, they simply couldn’t do it without Alaska, and evidently she’s more than up for the challenge.

Chad Michaels

RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Season 1 (2012)

Before appearing on Drag Race, Chad Michaels already had 20 years in the game, and her wealth of experience really showed in her performance. So much so, that during her original season Chad’s worst critique from the judges was that she was almost too perfect, which is exactly the kind of backhanded compliment worthy of a race to be crowned Queen of all Queens. True to form, Chad won two maxi challenges including that season’s Snatch Game with her unparalleled Cher impersonation, and held a consistently solid performance throughout the competition.

Though ultimately losing out at the finale to season 4 winner, Sharon Needles, she more than made up for it with her appearance on All Stars 1 that very same year. Winning four out of a possible six maxi challenges (three as part of team ‘Shad’ with Drag Race season 1 contestant, Shannel) she powered through the competition to cement her place as the first ever contestant to be inducted into the Drag Race Hall of Fame.

While Chad joined the show as an already-established consummate drag performer, her victory propelled her fame to the heights of prime time television with appearances on 2 Broke Girls, Jane the Virgin, RuPaul’s own AJ and the Queen, and even got to perform on The Talk as Cher for Cher.

Though several queens who already competed All Stars 1 came back for a third shot at a crown, there’s no word from Chad on whether or not she’d return for her first shot at a second crown. No doubt, if she did, she’d be a sickening competitor.

Carmen Farala

Drag Race España, Season 1 (2021)

Drag Race España’s first season might be one of the best in the franchise outside the US version, the only negative (if you can even call it that) is how painfully obvious it was that Carmen Farala was going to win from day one; not that her competitors weren’t up to par, she was just exceptionally good.

An accomplished seamstress, Carmen made every one of her outfits worn during the competition and never looked anything less than perfect on the runway. Definitely no one-trick pony, she won the musical performance, comedy roast, and makeover challenges, proving the breadth of her talents and also being the only queen to win multiple maxi challenges. Not too shabby for someone who had never even seen the show!

With the added popularity of its second season, Drag Race España has become the highest rated of the entire franchise on IMDb, and with winners like Carmen it’s easy to see why. Describing her wholly positive experience on the show, Carmen told Reyes del Palique that she’s ready and willing to come back for All Stars.

“If you call me to come back tomorrow, I have five bags ready. The truth is that for me it was super fun [and] enriching… it has only brought me good things, in addition to €30,000.”

Carmen Farala, interviewed by Fizpireta and Uy Albert for Reyes del Palique (2022)

(Auto-translated to English from captions, original in Spanish below)

Seemingly the only thing standing in the way of this fantasy is that Carmen isn’t fluent in English (and unfortunately that year’s supply of Krash Kosmetics didn’t come with a Duolingo subscription), but she would be an incredible competitor to rival the US queens, even if they need to get Charo in to interpret.

Violet Chachki

RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 7 (2015)

Self-proclaimed “one-of-a-kind collectable”, Violet Chachki, hit the ground strutting on season 7 by serving one of the most iconic reveals in the show’s herstory (and for a mini challenge, no less) on the first episode.

As well as her phenomenally creative looks and tiny waist, Violet became known for her cutting remarks in confessionals and towards the other queens, even nabbing herself the title of ‘Shadiest Queen’ at the first (and last?) DESPY Awards. On the strengths of her fashion and stage performance skills, Violet made it to the finale picking up three maxi challenge wins – equalling runner-up, Ginger Minj – without ever placing in the bottom two.

Post-Drag Race, she broke barriers in the world of fashion becoming the first drag queen to model for a major lingerie campaign, walked for Moschino in their Fall 2018 Collection at Milan Fashion Week, as well as the Met Gala red carpet in 2019 alongside Aquaria. More recently, she’s become known in the fandom for her unforgiving takes on The Pit Stop and Fashion Photo RuView.

The good news is that Violet has already spoken of her eagerness to return, as she told Gay Times:

I have said that I wasn’t going to do a winners’ season, but I think it would be fun and it would be nice to do it and have it documented… I’d love to have as much documentation of me at my height as possible, and I think it would be great entertainment… It’s not like I’m dying for it to happen, but I’m sick of watching people on All Stars that are not all stars.

Violet Chachki, interviewed by Sam Danshenas for Gay Times (2020)

Fierce as she was on her season, Violet’s unshakeable confidence and lack of filter when it came to reading the other queens (or indeed, the judges) made it more challenging to warm to her. Off the show she comes across as more relaxed with a lighter sense of humour that’s much more endearing, though still with her trademark sharp tongue.

As one of the youngest winners, Violet took the crown relatively early on in her drag career, so you’d expect the level she’s reached in the seven years since to be nothing short of spectacular – and we want to see it!

Symone

RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 13 (2021)

Sending everyone’s blood sugar levels off the charts, sweetheart Symone became an early fan favourite on the strength of her promo look alone, and didn’t disappoint with her stellar performance and lovable personality. As well as wowing on the runway every week with her unique style, she notched up four maxi challenge wins (on what was famously one of the longest seasons) though still had to lip sync for her life twice after falling short for the Rusical and comedy roast challenges.

Following her win Symone quickly became a red carpet staple, making appearances at the MTV VMAs, Met Gala, and Primetime Emmy Awards, and was handpicked by Billy Eichner himself to star in his 2022 film, Bros.

When asked about the possibility of returning for an ‘all winners’ season shortly after she was crowned on season 14, she told The Playlist:

Oh my God, yes. I would need a minute because let me tell you something. Filming is a beast, dog. It is a beast… it’s not as easy as it looks, honey. But I would love to go back and show the growth that I would have over time. I would want to go back in like a few years or two… But yeah, I would go back, for sure.

Symone, interviewed by Gregory Ellwood for The Playlist (2021)

As well as her amazing talent and creativity, Symone had the perfect balance of warmth and confidence that makes for a reality TV contestant you really want to root for, and given how long her original season was I’m sure she could handle coming back for a mere 12 episodes!

The D (for delusional) list

Some former winners who would make excellent All Stars contestants have to be ruled out for the numerous reasons that they would probably never do it, but still we can dream…

James Ross, formerly known as Tyra Sanchez (RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 2)

Appearing as Tyra on season 2, James stunned on the runway but was not always the most sympathetic character, either for the audience to watch or for his fellow queens to get along with. That said, his talent was undeniable, and let’s face it, made for great reality TV. Following a string of controversies, James was eventually banned from attending 2018’s RuPaul’s DragCon, and announced his retirement from drag the following year. It’s always especially interesting to see queens from the Logo TV era of Drag Race come back given how the show has evolved over the years, and Tyra was certainly a character, but that bridge has probably been burned for good.

Sharon Needles (RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 4)

Sharon’s win was important for the show, proving that it wasn’t all just an elaborate beauty contest – not that she wasn’t beautiful, but her style was definitely more unconventional when you consider the three winners who preceded her. Well-earned, her talent, creativity, and sense of humour won her four maxi challenges before being crowned season 4’s champion. In the years since she’s been haunted by accusations of racism and fan abuse, the latter of which she denied via her lawyers, but seemingly has not otherwise addressed publicly. As great a contestant as she was and likely would be again, it’s doubtful she would (or indeed should) ever be asked to come back.

Bianca Del Rio (RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 6)

Bianca is often cited as one of the show’s best winners, and arguably has gone on to have one of the most successful post-Drag Race careers. Famous for her quick wit, and let’s say “consistent” fashion, Bianca “sailed” through season 6 picking up three maxi challenge wins and never even placing low before beating Courtney Act and Adore Delano to the crown. After Drag Race, Bianca’s career took off quickly as she went on to star in Hurricane Bianca and its sequel, graced the stage of London’s West End in Everybody’s Talking About Jamie, and headlined numerous comedy tours throughout the world. All that success seems to overshadow any appeal to the thought of another turn in the werk room, which she explained in more detail to Digital Spy as to why she turned down the offer to appear on All Stars 7:

The format wasn’t what I wanted. Well, not ‘what I wanted’ – it just didn’t suit my life… Had the format been a little different, and had the situation been a little more interesting to me, I would have said yes… I even gave suggestions, which all fell on deaf ears. So it just became what they decided… It’s nothing that I wanted to do, and I didn’t feel there was anything I had to prove, or go back.

Bianca Del Rio, interviewed by David Opie for Digital Spy (2022)

It’s quite evident she doesn’t need to go back, so it makes sense that it would be a tough sell. But there’s hope – in her own words there is a hypothetical version of All Stars she would say yes to, mama Ru just needs to sign off on some of those suggestions!

Correct winners of Drag Race UK

If the correct people had won Drag Race UK 2-3 and UK vs. the World they would all be on this list, let’s just say that.

This article was originally published on the Pop Warrior blog – July 28 2022

🗨️ Join the discussion

Is this your dream cast? Who would you like to see on the next All Winners All Stars?

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Sources

Bob The Drag Queen Spills The Coffee On All Things "RuPaul's Drag Race"

Priyanka feels confident about a Drag Race winners’ season

Every RuPaul’s Drag Race Franchise Ranked, According To IMDB

Violet Chachki Becomes First Drag Queen to Star in Major Lingerie Campaign

Violet Chachki: ‘I’ve been trying to prove my worth as a performer since Drag Race’

Yes, ‘Drag Race’s’ Symone Would Do An All-Winners Season…Eventually

RuPaul’s Drag Race Winner Aquaria Doesn’t Need to Go on All Stars, but Thanks for Asking

Drag Race Star Sharon Needles Terrorized a 15-Year-Old Superfan. And They Weren’t Alone.

Bianca Del Rio on her Unsanitized tour and why she said no to All Stars winner season

Nothing sends me deeper into a YouTube hole quite like watching famous people at the pinnacle of their careers trying to elegantly articulate their feelings of elation, shock, and gratitude (rehearsed or otherwise) in front of the world with a 60 second time limit.

Award acceptance speeches are on the whole quite formulaic, and frankly boring. It’s understandable given the formality of it all; they have a lot of people (most of whom you’ve never heard of) to thank in not a lot of time, meanwhile trying to bask in the glory of one of the best moments of their lives.

The best stars are the ones who manage to bring the same effortless charisma and poise that made their careers to their acceptance speech, making themselves seem simultaneously deitylike yet relatable, and still entertaining in the shortest of time slots. Some just completely lose their shit and babble uncontrollably, and that’s equally fun to watch.

These are the ones I find myself watching over and over just for those reasons.

P.S. As it’s Oscars season we’re only looking at awards for acting.
P.P.S. I tried to find some men to include but they’re all boring!

1. Whoopi Goldberg

Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress in Ghost (1990)

63rd Academy Awards (1991)
Nominees: Annette Benning, Lorraine Bracco, Diane Ladd, Mary McDonnell

Oscars don’t often get handed out for comedy roles, so you know Whoopi had really won the Academy members over with her incredible performance. Years after the win she admitted to some “self medication” to calm her nerves before she would then have to address the room. The unhampered joy as she leaps out of her chair when her name is called just seems so authentic, and that authenticity carries through her engaging speech.

Speech starts at 1:35

2. Geena Davis

Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Television Series – Drama in Commander in Chief (2006)

63rd Golden Globe Awards (2006)
Nominees: Patricia Arquette, Glenn Close, Kyra Sedgwick, Polly Walker

I’ve never seen this show so I have no idea if it was any good – but who cares, it’s Geena Davis. She knows exactly how to work the room and gets the audience in the palm of her hand right from the start.

Speech starts at 0:55

3. Marion Cotillard

Academy Award for Best Actress in La Vie en Rose (2007)

80th Academy Awards (2008)
Nominees: Cate Blanchett, Julie Christie, Laura Linney, Elliot Page

Definitely one from the “losing their shit” pile, Marion just manages to be painfully adorable for 60 seconds straight.

Speech starts at 0:35

4. Frances McDormand

Academy Award for Best Actress in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017)

90th Academy Awards (2018)
Nominees: Sally Hawkins, Margot Robbie, Saoirse Ronan, Meryl Streep

No stranger to this stage, Frances delivers her speech like a Kate McKinnon skit, being funny, thought-provoking, and endearing all at once.

Speech starts at 2:05

5. Rue McClanahan

Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series in The Golden Girls (1986)

39th Primetime Emmy Awards (1987)
Nominees: Bea Arthur, Blair Brown, Jane Curtin, Betty White

Even without the musicality of Blanche Devereaux’s southern accent, Rue’s comic timing is spot on and has you hanging on every word.

Speech starts at 2:00

6. Octavia Spencer

Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress in The Help (2011)

84th Academy Awards (2012)
Nominees: Bérénice Bejo, Jessica Chastain, Melissa McCarthy, Janet McTeer

In the kindest possible way, it’s quite entertaining to watch Octavia quickly crumble under the pressure of having to speak because it’s all going so well until they try to cut her off.

Speech starts at 0:40

7. Reese Witherspoon

Academy Award for Best Actress in Walk the Line (2005)

78th Academy Awards (2006)
Nominees: Judi Dench, Felicity Huffman, Keira Knightley, Charlize Theron

Reese definitely came prepared for this one! Oozing with southern charm, you can’t help but be taken in by her sweet humility.

Speech starts at 1:30

8. Olivia Colman

Academy Award for Best Actress in The Favourite (2018)

91st Academy Awards (2019)
Nominees: Yalitza Aparicio, Glenn Close, Lady Gaga, Melissa McCarthy

Perhaps the most British speech ever, Olivia spends a full two minutes giving a speech that’s equal parts grateful and apologetic and borders on accidental stand up.

Speech starts at 1:55

9. Cher

Academy Award for Best Actress in Moonstruck (1987)

60th Academy Awards (1988)
Nominees: Glenn Close, Holly Hunter, Sally Kirkland, Meryl Streep

I mean: it’s Cher. Perhaps more of an underdog at the time, now knowing what an icon of entertainment she is it’s amazing to see her so sincerely grateful for and humbled by this achievement.

Speech starts at 2:25

10. Meryl Streep

Academy Award for Best Actress in The Iron Lady (2011)

84th Academy Awards (2012)
Nominees: Glenn Close, Viola Davis, Rooney Mara, Michelle Williams

The unofficial queen of the Oscars (though it may as well be official) Meryl’s first two wins were followed by somewhat earnest and self-effacing speeches. But when she won her third for playing Margaret Thatcher, though she tried to maintain an element of modesty by this point you can tell she knows she is That Bitch.

11. Mo’Nique

Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress in Precious (2009)

82nd Academy Awards (2010)
Nominees: Penélope Cruz, Vera Farmiga, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Anna Kendrick

A deserving win if ever there was one, Mo’Nique gives a serious but powerful and poignant speech, the sentiments of which still resonate today.

Speech starts at 1:55

12. Kim Cattrall

Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress – Series, Miniseries or Television Film in Sex and the City (2002)

60th Golden Globe Awards (2003)
Nominees: Megan Mullally, Cynthia Nixon, Parker Posey, Gena Rowlands

While Kim doesn’t deliver her speech in character, she definitely invokes the spirit of Samantha Jones and it’s fabulous to watch.

Speech starts at 0:40

13. Julia Roberts

Academy Award for Best Actress in Erin Brockovich (2000)

73rd Academy Awards (2001)
Nominees: Joan Allen, Juliette Binoche, Ellen Burstyn, Laura Linney

The blueprint for Jennifer Lawrence, America’s sweetheart takes her sweet time to say everything she needs to but doesn’t forget she is on stage and has a crowd to please – which she does!

Speech starts at 1:05

14. Sandra Bullock

Academy Award for Best Actress in The Blind Side (2009)

82nd Academy Awards (2010)
Nominees: Helen Mirren, Carey Mulligan, Gabourey Sidibe, Meryl Streep

Not that you’d expect anything less from ar Sandy, her speech filled with quips and anecdotes is the definition of warmth, competence, and charm.

Speech starts at 9:05

15. Susan Lucci

Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actress in All My Children (1998)

26th Daytime Emmy Awards (1999)
Nominees: Jeanne Cooper, Elizabeth Hubbard, Melody Thomas Scott, Kim Zimmer

This is the one, the ultimate awards moment. After famously being nominated 18 times for her role as Erica Kane and never winning, Susan Lucci finally struck gold on her 19th try. Though she gives a lovely speech, this is more about the rousing audience reaction of an entire room collectively feeling like they had won the lottery on her behalf. Simply incredibly scenes that never fail to spark joy.

Just watch the whole damn thing

This article was originally published on the Pop Warrior blog – 27 March 2022

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Which award speech left the biggest impression on you?

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To the casual fan, Jennifer Love Hewitt is probably best known as an actress of the big and small screens, commanding a consistently solid B-list status from the late 90s and throughout the 00s with her uniquely endearing it-girl-next-door brand.

But the more ardent LoveBirds (completely made up fandom name) among us will be familiar with the second string to her bow as a bonafide recording artist, with four studio albums and a modest Hot 100 hit under her belt. Though acting was what would eventually make her a household name, Hewitt had initially set her eyes on a music career when she started out as a child star, and for a while had both of those plates spinning in tandem.

Music for me has always been something that is directly connected to my heart. Acting is a very important thing for me, and I love doing it. But when I’m acting, I spend 14 hours a day and months at a time being someone else. When I’m singing, I just get to be me.

Jennifer Love Hewitt, interviewed by Gary Graff for United Press International (2002)

At the age of 12 she was starring in the music-oriented children’s TV series Kids Incorporated, and also recorded her debut studio album Love Songs.

In the decade that followed, while her acting career soared, further musical endeavours failed to leave a dent on the charts. Ironically, I stumbled across her singing talents by accident while watching one of her earlier credited non-musical roles as Brooke Figler, one of a group of wayward youngsters in the 1996 film House Arrest.

The song that plays over the end credits, It’s Good To Know I’m Alive (which is exactly as corny as it sounds), piqued my curiosity because the singer had a notably youthful voice, so I kept watching the credits to find out who it was. Lo and behold, though I had slightly suspected already, it was none other than Jennifer Love Paris Balenciaga The House Down Boots Hewitt herself.

Keeping in mind that this was a whole decade before Hannah Montana was a twinkle in Mickey Mouse’s eye, I was kind of enthralled by the idea of someone who could be an actress and a popstar at the same time (Madonna was not flying this particular flag very well). After that I became a little bit obsessed, to the point where I built my own Jennifer Love Hewitt fansite – an achievement I’m sure thrilled my dad, who had been teaching me HTML – documenting everything I could find about her film, TV, and music career. An unexpected consequence of that was receiving emails from people thinking I was her, telling me how beautiful and talented I was, which I found massively creepy at the time; nowadays I’m not sure I’d be so quick to dismiss that type of misplaced attention.

But I digress – though the OG J-Lo never quite managed to match the dual superstar status of actual J-Lo, it’s worth revisiting her valiant attempt even if just to wonder about the main pop girl that could have been…

Love Songs

Released: 21 March 1992
Singles: Dancing Queen, What’s It Gonna Take, Please Save Us the World

Hewitt’s first musical break came before she was even a teenager. While touring the world as a child model for sportswear brand LA Gear, she was approached in Tokyo by an executive offering her a recording contract with a video games company – perhaps the most “90s” sentence ever. Released only in Japan, Love Songs became a hit reaching the #1 spot and staying there for three weeks. Prior to the album’s release, a cover of Blondie’s Heart of Glass was released as a single though not included on the final tracklist.

The album is a combination of covers and original songs, including Bedtime Stories co-written by fellow teen star Debbie Gibson.

She just had this great spunky, young sound and it was perfect for the song I had written… and then when she came out and I became a fan of her work as an actress I was like ‘Hey, I’m feeling pretty cool ‘cause I wrote a song for Jennifer Love Hewitt’.

Debbie Gibson

🎵 Jennifer Love Hewitt – Bedtime Stories

As well as the covers, it’s a surprisingly listenable 90s dance pop album with a few statutory ballads mixed in, and even a little jazz (on the song A Little Jazz). Given the album’s title most of the songs are in the vein of first-time young crushes, though Bedtime Stories does push the age-appropriateness levels with lyrics like “As much as I like a little danger / I have some rules by which I must abide / Wanna hear your voice before I close my eyes / But baby, you better think twice / Before you come around and tell me bedtime stories”.

Overall, it’s a relatively mature production for someone of her age at the time. But the fact remains this is undeniably the voice of a child, so I can’t imagine it having much appeal outside of a Kidz Bop audience.

Let’s Go Bang

Released: 12 September 1995
Singles: Let’s Go Bang, Couldn’t Find Another Man

Three years after the release of Love Songs, Hewitt was emerging out of her “child” star status but still firmly in not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman territory. At a time before Britney **seamless segue klaxon** burst onto the scene mapping out what would become the blueprint for young female popstars in the 21st century, there were two equally if not more legendary and influential singers already setting the gold standard: Whitney and Mariah. Let’s Go Bang definitely takes its cues from their style of mid-to-low tempo 90s pop music, sounding much like a collection of their cast offs.

While Hewitt isn’t quite in the same league vocally speaking, she does have a consistent and powerful singing talent that would outshine many of her would-be contemporaries today; think Jessica Simpson but without the violence.

Released the same month she would debut her prime time starring role as Sarah Reeves Merrin on Party of Five, with little promotion the album ultimately flopped, failing to chart along with its two singles.

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Released: 3 September 1996
Singles: Cool With You, No Ordinary Love, I Believe In…

Much like Let’s Go Bang, Hewitt’s third (and possibly best!) album Jennifer Love Hewitt released the following year didn’t seem like it was trying to break any moulds musically. Though not bad, the songs are about as generic as they come – certainly for the period – but there is a definite shift away from dance and more towards soft rock, a sign of things to come.

It goes without saying this also flopped, ultimately seeing her get dropped by her record label.

How Do I Deal

Released: 17 November 1998
CD single from I Still Know What You Did Last Summer Soundtrack

After her success with Party of Five and I Know What You Did Last Summer, Hewitt was firmly establishing herself as part of the young, hot Hollywood scene. Riding on this heat, the producers of film sequel I Still Know What You Did Last Summer asked her to record a song for the soundtrack, accompanied by a music video.

The angsty pop/rock song became her first and only entry on the Billboard Hot 100 peaking at #59.

While this didn’t lead directly to any other music outputs, the film saw her character Julie James fighting for gay rights – as well as her life – performing a classic karaoke rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive.

BareNaked

Released: 8 October 2002
Singles: BareNaked, Can I Go Now

10 years after the release of her musical debut, with a new record label and newfound celebrity status, Hewitt took a step back from acting to focus on what would be her fourth – and to date, final – studio album BareNaked. With much more input from Hewitt herself, this album was co-written almost entirely by her, with Meredith Brooks helping her to hone that pop/rock sound.

When I did my other records, I was never really asked to write; I would walk into the studio and they would say ‘What do you think of this song?’ and I would go in and record it and that would be it. Jive came to me and said ‘What would you like to do?’ I wasn’t exactly sure, and they said ‘Fine. When you figure it out, let us know.’ I was able to find myself as an artist, and my music was no longer pop music but kind of rock-pop music.

Jennifer Love Hewitt, interviewed by Gary Graff for United Press International (2002)

With the benefit of her star power and a more significant promotional circuit, BareNaked became her first album to chart on the Billboard 200 peaking at #37, with title track BareNaked peaking at #24 on the Billboard Bubbling Under Hot 100.

The Client List

Released: 26 October 2018

Presumably due to its lukewarm reception, Hewitt put her music career on the burner and returned to grace the small screen. In doing so, she once again lent her vocal chops to the soundtrack of series The Client List, and managed to produce the best and pop-girliest pop music video of her career for I’m A Woman.

Serving looks, vocals, light choreo, and high hairography, it’s a stark and ironic reminder of what could have been.

Hewitt clearly has all the makings of a brilliant pop star, and it’s a shame her passion for music wasn’t matched by public demand. Even so, she continues to be an utterly charming and charismatic actress, seemingly more focused on the small screen of late (her last live-action film appearance was in 2012) but still dazzling in every role.

As far as music goes she does continue to sing though it seems to have been scaled back to nothing more elaborate than a hobby, performing covers on social media.

Though I don’t expect her to record any more music, I think what she has produced already doesn’t get enough credit or recognition. As a long-time fan I’m happy to say: Jennifer, I still know what you did last century.

This article was originally published on the Pop Warrior blog – 22 March 2022

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What do you reckon: in a parallel universe could Jennifer have given Britney a run for her money?

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Sources

Jennifer Love Hewitt discography

Interview: Jennifer Love Hewitt, by Gary Graff

Jennifer Love Hewitt Biography | Rolling Stone

Celebrity Profile: Jennifer Love Hewitt (1998)

This article was originally published on the Pop Warrior blog 4/2/2022

Original run: October 27 2004–November 14 2007

No. of seasons: 3 (36 episodes) + 1 film (2010)

Network: Comedy Central

In a nutshell:

Adult animated series parodying the stock reality TV format of The Real World/Big Brother, featuring eight archetypal cartoon characters as the “housemates” doing and saying unspeakably offensive things.

Who’s in it?

You may not recognise their faces but the wealth of voice talent includes veterans Cree Summer (Rugrats’ Susie Carmichael, Tiny Toon Adventures’ Elmyra) and Tara Strong (The Fairly Odd Parents’ Timmy Turner) to name a few.

The first time I watched Drawn Together was also the first time I even became aware of its existence. During my final year of university I’d gone back home for a visit – which is crucial to mention only because my parents had Sky, while in my student house we could barely sustain Channel 5 reception on a good day – and hopping through the 100s of channels I was immediately intrigued by coming across a cartoon on MTV at night with nary a Beavis, Butthead or Daria in sight.

Its premise may not have been immediately apparent (not that it’s especially important anyway) but its purpose was. The dead giveaway being the spot-on Disneyesque depiction of Princess Clara in a patently non-Disney setting, more than just ‘cartoon for grownups’ this was obviously also in parody territory i.e. extremely my shit.

Though episode storylines only inconsistently make reference to the reality TV inspiration at the core of the show, the other very obvious but seemingly mis-matched knockoff cartoon quintessences provide just enough pieces of the puzzle to help you quickly figure out what you’re getting into.

We’ve really gotten away from the reality TV aspect of the show, just ’cause we didn’t want it to be a constant parody of reality shows. So it was a good device to get them all into the house together, and it’s a good device to do confessionals and voiceovers and occasional competitions to get the story going. But really at this point, it’s about eight different characters that live together.

Matthew Silverstein, co-creator

Based off that half of one episode I got to see, I was convinced enough to buy (which back in 2005 meant, import) the complete first season on DVD so I could get my fill, and I was hooked ever since.

Whether you’re watching it for the first time or have only just heard of it, the kneejerk temptation is to make comparisons to its peers like South Park and Family Guy, and of course the similarities aren’t hard to find. They all share intensely childish – and often gross – humour tailored for adults with enough underlying satire to whet the intellect, thick and fast with pop culture references, impromptu musical numbers, topped off with liberal use of swearing. Drawn Together sets itself apart by taking those qualities and dialling them up to 11; no taboo is off limits, and no surface-level stereotype is too cheap to perpetuate and exploit. The real treat is, just when you think a joke has reached its punchline it manages to one-up itself with something even more disgusting/immature/offensive, but in a way that’s still worth it for the laugh instead of just gratuitous shock value (at least most of the time).

With the series finishing in 2007, it narrowly missed the window of the social media explosion that contributed so heavily to the meme-ification of popular culture, but unfortunately lacked the mainstream ubiquity that might propel it into a lasting part of modern discourse past its original run. The show is insanely quotable, packed with one-liners delivered so memorably by its superb voice cast that they echo around my brain to this day. That to me is the biggest shame as its combination of extreme silliness and sharp satire make it excellent fodder for meme exploitation, and I’ve often thought that if it had come out even five years later it might have managed to just about catch that wave.

Looking back at the show through a relatively more contemporary lens it’s hard not to consider how it would be received today given its heavy dependence on blue humour and the brazen perpetuation of so many stereotypes, in a modern climate that many allege to be more harshly critical of any type of comedy that could be perceived as controversial. Just one such example, in the episode Super Nanny Ling Ling attempts to get his driver’s license but immediately fails the practical portion (playing to the stereotype that Asians are bad drivers) and the reason behind this is that Asians see the world completely differently due to their eye shape.

Ultimately, I think the writers have a healthy level of self-awareness – in this instance as Foxxy points out the patent racism of the ridiculous claim (though, notably using a slur in the same breath) – and generally have a point to make as well as making you laugh. That combined with leaning into the extreme absurdity of it all is how they get away with it, because it’s too ludicrous to ever be taken seriously and pretty much every type of person gets sent up, a sentiment echoed by its cast members.

I’m not offended at all, I mean y’know racism is such a painful, real, hardcore thing that we have to deal with in life all the time, I think it’s so nice that we get this opportunity to laugh – we make fun of everyone, no one is safe.

Cree Summer (voice of Foxxy), Season 1 DVD commentary

The producers of the show are Jewish, everyone around me was Jewish, I’m Jewish. The Jewish jokes were funny, but there were a few that I found too offensive and I wouldn’t say them. The beauty of Drawn Together is that it’s funny and it attacks every single culture and nobody’s safe. They don’t insult a race just for the sake of insulting them.

Tara Strong (voice of Princess Clara and Toot)

Following the show’s cancellation, it was resurrected for one last hurrah as a feature length film, The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie!, released straight to DVD. I’ve only seen it the one time, which frankly was more than enough. My lasting impression was that it lacked the quick wit and satirical edge of the series while at the same time taking levels of vulgarity even further without much point, making for the worst possible combination. Ironically enough, this is exact sort of criticism the film itself spoofs.

Nevertheless, the TV series remains endlessly rewatchable, and while it may not have lasted as long as its contemporaries we are still lucky to have three seasons worth of pretty solid (and very silly) comedy.

Characters

Captain Hero, voiced by Jess Harnell
Based primarily on Superman, though acts as a broader parody of superheroes in general. Made of equal parts toxic masculinity and childish cowardice, Hero is often driven exclusively by lust and is perhaps the most sexually perverse housemate.

Princess Clara, voiced by Tara Strong
Like a typical Disney princess mostly reminiscent of Ariel in appearance but the similarities end there. Clara usually maintains a sweet and naively innocent disposition despite her openly racist, anti-semitic, and homophobic views.

Foxxy Love, voiced by Cree Summer
Mystery-solving musician, Foxxy, is based on Valerie Brown from Josie and the Pussycats though in design and occupation only. She loves to speak her mind and have a good time, the most socially intelligent – and often moral compass – of the group.

Ling-Ling, voiced by Abbey DiGregorio
Ling-Ling is a trading card battle monster who, while just as cute as his real-life inspiration, Pikachu, has a tendency of aggressive violence. He is treated much like a house pet (to his disdain) and is the manifestation of every offensive Asian stereotype you can think of.

Spanky Ham, voiced by Adam Carolla
Spanky is a parody of crass internet Flash cartoon characters; immature and sex-obsessesed with a penchant for toilet humour. His greed often leads him to taking advantage of other housemates for personal gain.

Toot Braunstein, voiced by Tara Strong
Toot is what would happen if Betty Boop became an alcoholic and eradicated every semblence of her feminine charm. Desperate for attention and emotionally unstable, not helped by the fact she is treated as a walking fat joke.

Wooldor Sockbat, voiced by James Arnold Taylor
A hyperactive and sensitive “wacky whatchamacallit”, Wooldor spoofs children’s TV show characters like SpongeBob SquarePants and Stimpy. The most innocent and naive of the group, Wooldor often takes a submissive role to the other housemates and is gullible enough to be taken advantage of.

Xandir P. Wifflebottom, voiced by Jack Plotnick
Xandir is a highly effeminate video game character on a “never ending quest to save his girlfriend” though realises he is actually gay early in the series. He is kind and sometimes overemotional, and perhaps the most caring towards his fellow housemates.

Best episodes

• Gay Bash (Season 1, Episode 3)
  Xandir is questioning his sexual orientation, and with the encouragement/mockery of his housemates comes to realise that he is in fact (spoiler alert) gay. They throw him a party so he can embrace his newfound LGBTQ+ community, while dodging Clara’s homophobic microaggressions.

• The One Wherein There is a Big Twist (Season 1, Episode 7)
  Frustrated with their living situation and the realisation that they’re not actually playing for a cash prize, the housemates rebel against the Jew Producer who controls them. Giving in to their demands, they are asked to take part in an actual competition à la The Apprentice with explosive results.

• Foxxy vs. The Board of Education (Season 2, Episode 2)
  Foxxy needs to go to college so she can get an official mystery-solving license, but struggles with standardised testing. She begins to suspect that this isn’t mere coincidence, and uncovers an insidious reality. Meanwhile, Spanky fake gay marries Xandir for health insurance.

• A Very Special Drawn Together Afterschool Special (Season 2, Episode 13)
  Xandir is nervous about coming out to his parents, so the housemates engage in a hypothetical role play of events, becoming a little too committed to their roles which quickly gets out of hand.

• Spelling Applebee’s (Season 3, Episode 3)
  The housemates are asked to take part in a spelling bee to win a gift certificate for Applebee’s, forcing Foxxy to overcome a traumatic childhood incident where she was asked to spell the word “knickers”. While helping Captain Hero with a bully, Clara discovers she has a fetish for violent car crashes.

Where to watch

• Seasons 1-3 of Drawn Together, and The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! are all available to buy on DVD

• Find out where you can stream or purchase digitally on JustWatch UK | USA
  (you can also check availability in other countries using the filter)

🗨️ Join the discussion

Do you remember Drawn Together? Drop a comment with your wildest or most underrated moments from the show!

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📖 Further reading

• Drawn Together Wiki
  Database of pretty much everything you wanted to know (and didn’t even know you didn’t know) about Drawn Together

• The Subversively PC Drawn Together
  Opinion piece by Jeremi Jones

• Interview: creators Matt Silverstein and Dave Jesser on ‘The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie!’

This article was originally published on the Pop Warrior blog 22/1/2022

Scream
Released: 14th January 2022
Written by: James Vanderbilt, Guy Busick
Directed by: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett

**Spoiler warning: contains spoilers for all five Scream films**

A “requel” 10 years in the making, the fifth instalment in the Scream franchise almost never happened owing to Scream 4‘s under-performance at the box office, and later on the brand’s deflection to a TV series – at best, a superficial incarnation in name only (and, it must be said, quite shit). Thanks to a new production company, Scream returned to the big screen this year with Final Girl Royalty, Neve Campbell, and her surviving character counterparts reprising their roles.

When it was officially confirmed that a fourth sequel was in development and it would include the core original cast, I was excited, and had high hopes. Unlike other horror franchises famous for churning out sub-par sequels which oftentimes were happy to capitalise on brand recognition but only have a bare bone (if any) connection to the original characters, Scream was able to maintain a level of consistency and quality with every subsequent iteration that elevated them above gratuitous cash grab status where they could really stand alone on their own merits. Admittedly, though the thought of being able to envision a worthwhile continuation of the story becomes less likely with each new film, I was confident it could be pulled off due to the strength of its history.

Notably, this would be the first film in the franchise without the involvement of director Wes Craven, and once production was under way both the cast and new directing team were vocal in quashing any doubts this might raise.

I don’t think audiences are going to be disappointed. These guys were so committed to doing it right. I think Wes would be very proud.

Neve Campbell

It’s the attention to scares, attention to characters, the emotion… [Wes] was there in spirit on-set all the time.

Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Director

All very encouraging, but with that in mind I tried to set realistic expectations for myself i.e. chances are it won’t be better than any of the films before it, but nevertheless has the ingredients to be an enjoyable and worthy addition to the series. Difficult as it was, I avoided any official news and promotion for the film (even the trailer) leading up to its release, because frankly I get the gist by now: Ghostface, young pretty people cut up, “Hello, Sidney”, movie sequel rules, meta meta meta, etc. so I was quite happy to just wait and see everything with totally fresh eyes. Early reviews were almost unanimously gushing with praise, and I cautiously allowed this to raise my expectations.

My overall experience watching the film, I’m sad to say, was disappointing. The one lukewarm comment I’d seen prior described it as “fine, but ultimately unnecessary” which stuck in my mind because all the exclusively positive hype seemed almost too good to be true, and unfortunately it turned out to be right on the money.

In short, I had a feeling throughout that I was waiting for a “wow” moment to blow me away, or make me realise how this film was going to carve its own unique mark in the franchise just as the other three sequels had achieved so successfully, and that never came. The tone of the film also felt disconnected from the first four, something Scream 4 even managed to avoid despite being made a decade after its predecessor, and I think that’s a testament to how Craven’s absence had a palpable effect on the final product.

Here’s what I think they got wrong (and almost right)…

The opening scene

Ever since viewers saw Casey Becker meet her gory fate less than 15 minutes into the first film, the iconic opening scene kill instantly became a cornerstone of the franchise. More like a prologue, it would generally set off the chain of events that followed without being embedded into the overarching story itself.

Scream 2 stepped up the meta by introducing the Stab universe and having its first victims murdered against the backdrop of the previous film’s events retold on screen. Scream 3 was the first to kill off an existing character, Cotton Weary, and with the murder of his girlfriend also set up the story for Ghostface’s new multi-voice ability. Scream 4 appears at first to have gone more back to basics, but soon pans out to be a 3-for-the-price-of-1 film within a film within a film (*meta intensifies*).

With the latest outing, it seems like they intentionally wanted to go back to its roots and have strong parallels with the first film, given the similarities i.e. unknown young girl alone in her house receives strange call and violence ensues. My assumption is that they were going for something along the lines of “what would Casey Becker’s murder look like in 2022”, which on paper I’m not mad about. Whether or not that’s accurate, five films in we are comfortably familiar with the dynamic of Ghostface methodically taunting their prey before making their attack while the victim tries in vain to escape, so that formulaic chain of events on its own is not really enough. Furthermore, the cat-and-mouse game that played out with Casey’s murder was done so exquisitely it’s difficult to imagine how that could ever be bettered, and this unfortunately felt like a watered down rehash.

Of course there is a defining and important difference here, being that Tara not only survives the attack but also continues to have an important role in the film through to the end. I definitely wasn’t expecting that, and wish they would have made more of it. We don’t find this out until the next scene where her sister is informed of her attack, so on its own the opening scene still wholly feels like nothing we haven’t seen before. If Tara’s survival hinged on her ability to outsmart Ghostface rather than luck, and we were able to witness that as part of her story, I think that could have been the extra ingredient needed to make Casey Becker 2.0 really feel modern and fresh.

Star power

Another thing the franchise became known for with its sequels was the who’s who of supporting cast players, young Hollywood’s hot property of the time making the films feel just that extra bit more zeitgeisty.

Famously, Sarah Michelle Gellar who was then riding high on the success of Buffy the Vampire Slayer signed on to Scream 2 without reading the script or knowing what part she’d play.

This is another area where I found this film to be lacking, leaving the legacy cast to do most of the heavy lifting. Though most of the new young cast are definitely recognisable, they still feel more in the ‘up-and-coming’ stage of their celebrity status that don’t wield as much star power as others have in past sequels; if I’m honest, even the brief cameo appearances like Heather Graham and Tori Spelling were more exciting.

Having someone with that level of pop culture gravitas like a Zendaya, Florence Pugh, or Anya Taylor-Joy even in a small part would have made it feel like more of a current zeitgeist moment than just another sequel.

Legacy cast

Speaking of which, the legacy cast members are woefully underused for my liking. It seems about a good 30 minutes into the film before Sidney appears, and along with Gale and – to a similar but lesser extent – Dewey, is relegated to more of a secondary character for the remainder.

In Scream 4 there was a similar dynamic whereby a new group of younger characters was brought in to complement the existing cast, but it still felt like an even split overall when it came to screen time and plot development. Here, the even newer group noticeably take much more of the focus in those regards, and what that does is steer it more towards the direction of “unnecessary sequel”.

I think the biggest contribution to this was reorienting the narrative to have Sam, a brand new character, as the lead with Sidney being more like her shadow. We as the audience aren’t going to connect with her as strongly as we’ve been able to connect with Sidney over the course of four films, and in my opinion Melissa Barrera wasn’t able to fill Neve Campbell’s shoes and carry the film as far as performance goes.

Billy Loomis returns

Like Tara’s survival in the opening scene, this was another aspect of the film which I thought made it feel fresh and only wish they would have leaned into it more. A big theme running throughout all the sequels is how the past comes back to haunt the present, so having the (or at least an) original Ghostface killer return is perfectly in keeping with that, but still something we haven’t seen before.

When we see him for the first time through Sam’s hallucination, I initially presumed it would be a one-off appearance from him like other cameos we’ve come to expect. As the hallucinations continued sporadically throughout the film, I began to wonder increasingly what purpose this served to the plot, if any. Providing Sam with the backstory to connect her to Sidney made sense, but the hallucinations seemed to do little except provoke extra psychological terror which only she experienced, and didn’t particularly compare to the real life terror of being actively hunted.

If Billy appeared in a more substantial capacity and the hallucinations affected her behaviour in the way that, for example, she struggled to deal with being the daughter of a serial killer, it had the potential to be one of the more interesting plot points. By the end of the film I was left feeling that the story as is wouldn’t have lost much without it, and may as well have just been a brief but knowing cameo.

Judy and Wes’ deaths

It was nice to see at least one more familiar face return (sidebar: Marley Shelton is looking GOOD!) even if it means we have to watch them die a grisly death. The murders of Judy and Wes seemed to only serve the purpose that the film needed some more bloodshed at that point to push the story along, and sometimes that’s ok. What I found odd was how their murders came one after the other without any real connection to each other, which is what I would have expected.

Judy leaves Wes at home following a brief discussion about personal safety, while en route Ghostface taunts her over the phone luring her back to a quick death. Wes, oblivious to his mother’s murder, unwittingly becomes the next victim after a more prolonged and tense face-off with the killer. Even if Wes had only discovered his mother’s body on the doorstep before being killed, that would have at least added a more emotional aspect to his death, but for some reason they were consecutive yet completely independent events which I think could have been more interestingly intertwined.

Killers revealed

The revelation of killers’ identities and their motive was – and this pains me to say – another underwhelming climax. This was really the film’s last chance to give me something memorable to take away from it, but it felt like a rehash of its own old tropes.

One thing the first film did so cleverly was to convince you of Billy’s innocence right at the last moment by having him stabbed and seemingly left for dead, making it all the more shocking when he is revealed as one of a team of killers. Certainly for the franchise, this flipped the whodunnit aspect from wondering who could have the most viable motive, to who can be eliminated definitively from suspicion. This can really only be ascertained if a) someone is attacked and it results in their unequivocal death, or b) someone is attacked when there is no one else around to see it.

Richie has “KILLER” figuratively tattooed on his forehead right from the start, even despite the red herring of his self-proclaimed indifference to the Stab franchise, and that never really goes away up until the point his guilt is revealed. It really surprised me that they didn’t make more of an effort to lull the audience away from that speculation, beyond making him quite a dull character, which if anything just made the revelation even more anticlimactic.

Prior to the third act blood bath, the group of teens spend a fair bit of time either speculating who among them could be the killer, or joking that they are the killer in a strangely cavalier fashion. Their collective apathy (relative to the situation) somewhat undermines any tension built by the very real impending danger they’re in, so the revelation that Amber is indeed one of the killers kind of falls flat. Whether it was an acting or directional choice, Mikey Madison’s performance as “killer Amber” comes across very much as an homage-cum-impersonation of Stu Macher, which again feels like a contrived attempt to draw parallels to the first film and completely at odds with her character.

As far as their motivation goes, the concept of extreme fandom completely makes sense in 2022, but in the context of the film it felt too much like a re-skin of Scream 4. In the first three films, the killers (or specifically, the mastermind behind their respective teams) are very clearly motivated by passionate and personal revenge, so an elaborate rationale beyond that isn’t really necessary. In Scream 4, Jill is motivated by a combination of jealousy and desire for fame, but also has a direct connection to Sidney; while a little more far-fetched (yes, even more than long lost half brother, Roman) the idea that someone could be motivated to don the Ghostface mask and terrorise Sidney outside the realm of pure revenge was a new idea then, and pulled off well. With Richie and Amber, as well as having no direct connection to Sidney, it comes across as too similar a story but maybe just in a different flavour.

At the start of the party scene I actually thought it might have been the twins, though this was quickly unravelled when Chad very soon becomes the next victim. Still, it would have made sense given their connection to Sidney via Uncle Randy, whose death also would have provided ample motivation, with Mindy’s love of the horror genre and Chad’s… brawn? Having a brother-sister dynamic with a pair of killers also would have been a new and interesting avenue to be explored.

Conclusion

As a massive fan of the franchise, it feels sacrilege to speak so negatively about its latest offering. As well as what I’ve already detailed above, to me it lacked a lot of the charm, humour, and campiness that made the original films so unique and timeless, and failed to bring anything substantially new to the table. The truth is, I don’t think its a bad film by any stretch, but it had the potential to be so much better which is why I hold it to a higher standard.

Watch the trailer

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How did you rate Scream?

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📖 Further reading

• Scream’s worst mistake is neglecting its legacy characters
  An article I found interesting which elaborates more on the presence of the legacy cast and how that affected the film’s outcome.

For the most part, the gay in charge of picking the lip sync songs on Drag Race does a decent job. Though you do get the odd questionable choice **cough** Lorde Green Light **cough** there are also unexpected and inspired ones like Lizzo’s Phone on All Stars 6, and they generally know everything the gays want and how to give it to them. Still, there are some songs – and indeed, artists – I’m amazed have never made it to the main stage playlist…

Ava Max – Sweet But Psycho

Ava has been confirmed as a guest judge for season 14 so I’d say this is pretty much a sure thing already, but part of me is still surprised it’s not yet been used on any version of the franchise in the last two years.

Kelly Rowland – Commander

Kelendria Rowland giving us one of the best dance pop songs of the century deserves its recognition on the main stage of Drag Race. It’s a high energy song but also has the levels to make for a great lip sync performance.

Shakira – She Wolf

Another surprising main stage lip sync virgin, Shakira has been delivering pop hits for more than two decades and this fan favourite would be a great way to pop her lip sync cherry.

Katy Perry – Walking On Air

Speaking of fan favourites, the Sparks of Katy’s discography (iykyk) is another great dance song that I’m sure would be welcomed by viewers, and though it was never a single Drag Race has been known to feature the occasional deep cut.

Pussycat Dolls – React

What should have been the comeback of the millennium sadly limped off the charts barely leaving a dent, which I’m totally happy to blame on the pandemic because there’s no other logical explanation. As with any non-ballad PCD song, it’s undoubtedly a great performance track.

Nicole Scherzinger – Poison

Speaking of underrated bangers in the NSMU (Nicole Scherzinger Musicalic Universe) this high energy number didn’t seem to gain much traction anywhere outside the UK & Ireland but it hasn’t aged a day and has great main stage potential.

Danity Kane – Bad Girl ft. Missy Elliott

They are so dragged up in this video a Drag Race lip sync for your life just seems like the natural progression!

Gwen Stefani – What You Waiting For

Another artist whose lack of representation on the main stage astounds me, Gwen is the type of pop star who knows not to take herself too seriously all the time (like sampling a Fiddler on the Roof song im-so-random.gif) and this track has just the right balance of kitsch and drama.

Kesha – Woman

Drag Race loves songs in the “I am woman” theme which this obviously suits perfectly, though according to Reddit rumours her legal issues with Dr. L*ke still preclude her from licensing her music as and when she likes

Ashlee Simpson – Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya)

This might seem like a choice out of left field if you’re under 25, but for anyone older it should make perfect sense.

Heidi Montag – Body Language

See above, but also just the sheer audacity she had in giving everything to become a pop star takes the camp up at least 86%.

Tyra Banks – Shake Ya Body

I already know this will NEVER happen, but this is a list about DREAMS. This Darkchild-produced number pretty much only existed in the context of America’s Next Top Model, but save for its relative obscurity in the music world I maintain that it is a stone-cold 00s classic!

Britney Spears – Piece Of Me

Drag Race has definitely kept Britney fans (and in turn, J*mie Spe*rs) well fed over the years, not to mention that they dedicated the entire season 13 finale to her music. Having already gone through a decent chunk of her singles catalogue, I think Piece of Me would make for the next great Britney lip sync.

Gloria Estefan – Conga

Our Gloria has been making top-quality Latin dance pop since the 1900s and any number of her songs could make for an equally great lip sync, but this one in particular is just bags of fun and high energy.

Meghan Trainor – All About That Bass

It’s a shame that her occasionally cringe music and antics (including, ironically, her poorly-received guest judge stint on Drag Race) seem to have eclipsed the fact that Meghan is personally responsible for at least five top-tier pop tracks, which is still more than a lot of the pop girls could ask for. This being one of them, they annoyingly went with non-single Woman Up when she was actually on the show (presumably for promotional reasons) when All About That Bass is objectively a much better and well-known song, also making for a better lip sync.

Lady Gaga – Paparazzi

Nothing was more terrifying than when Gaga appeared on Drag Race during the Joanne era because while I grew to love that album it’s not exactly full of “bangers”, and the last thing anyone needed was an ironic but emotional Million Reasons LSFYL. To be fair, the Gaga songs they’ve featured to date have been great choices, and as shown in her iconic VMAs performance you can really put on a show with Paparazzi.

Tina Turner – Nutbush City Limits

I sort of feel like the jury’s out on whether or not the Queen of Rock ‘n’ Roll herself is also a gay icon (lmk in the comments!) because in spite of her extraordinary fame and success she never seems to appear in those conversations as readily as her contemporaries like Cher and Dolly Parton, but at the same time on paper she has all the requirements. Regardless, she is definitely a legendary musical icon and in the hands of the right queen, this song has all the makings for a FAB lip sync performance.

No Doubt – Just A Girl

Gwen Stefani is just a rock chick. She likes to rock out. She likes to throw shit around. She likes to go nuts. She likes to lose herself on stage. She likes to scream, she likes to holler, she likes to break things, she likes to yell. She likes to get her anger out. And I would like to see all that on Drag Race.

Vanessa Carlton – A Thousand Miles

Another one for the “this will literally never happen” pile, a great song but not an obvious song choice. As White Chicks has shown us, there is great comedic potential here so amazing things could be achieved by a queen with the right idea.

Whitney Houston – It’s Not Right, But It’s OK

This song has techincally already appeared as a lip sync but 1. It was the Thunderpuss Remix, and 2. It was at the live finale (remember those?!). I was so happy they’d used it but I’d really always been longing for the original version which is just brimming with attitude and drama, and would also benefit from the intimacy of the main stage where the queens would be more likely to ham it up rather than just give a full-on dance performance.

This article was originally published on the Pop Warrior blog – 7 January 2022

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Don’t think of this as an end of year ranking, so much as a gift to you. Yes, I have curated a list of some of this year’s best shower not grower capital-p Pop songs which is in an order of sorts (top 10 being the most intentional), but really they are all equally worthy of your attention otherwise they wouldn’t have made the cut.

Read on for some of my thoughts on these top-tier tracks, or if this is your 18th year-end best of list TL;DR straight to the full Spotify playlist and just get into it!

40. Imagine Dragons – Follow You

I always thought that if I included this on any sort of best-of-year list it would be somewhere around the end just because while pleasant to listen to, it’s barren of any originality. That said, when Dan Reynolds goes full Glee right after the middle eight it does make for an effective climax to the song.

39. Daya – The Difference

38. Nick Jonas – This Is Heaven

When heterosexual instagay Nick Jonas isn’t busy promoting his marriage to Priyanka, he’s actually capable of delivering some pretty top-notch pop music. Maybe he does give the gays everything they want?

37. Martin Jensen, Georgia Ku – 2019

As a rule, I generally am not a fan of songs dedicated to nostalgia for a particular year (and at the least not one that was about 5 minutes ago) but this is really bloody catchy, and to be fair 2019 did have much less ‘end of days’ vibes!

36. SG Lewis – Fall

35. Jessie Ware – Hot N Heavy

34. Billy Porter – Children

This is exactly the type of song you would expect from Billy Porter, so though there are no surprises it’s a fun and campy dance song.

33. Coldplay – Higher Power

Stop! Come back!! It’s produced by Max Martin!!!

32. Collard – Supercharged

31. Self Esteem – Prioritise Pleasure

This really stood out to me as something fresh the first time I heard it, and Self Esteem singer Rebecca Lucy Taylor has made a point of establishing herself as a pop artist, which seems rarer and rarer these days. Keeping my eye on this one!

30. Becky G, Burna Boy – Rotate

29. Fred again.., The Blessed Madonna – Marea (We’ve Lost Dancing)

When it became clear that Miss Rona was going to be with us for more than just a few weeks, there were legitimate discussions about whether or not the pandemic should be acknowledged in fictional entertainment media. If any art form definitely didn’t need to make reference to the pandemic, I would’ve thought it’s music, but here we are. I should really not like this song (and ironically, it might very well be one you want to leave behind in 2021) but the truth is I really do.

28. Joel Corry, RAYE, David Guetta – BED

27. bbno$ – yoga ft. Rebecca Black

Rebecca Black 10 years into her pop career and still making hits, we love to see it.

26. Diana Ross – If The World Just Danced

Miss Ross came to remind the girls who she is and did not take any prisoners!

25. Dove Cameron – LazyBaby

24. RAYE – Call On Me

23. Millie Turner – Pull Me Under

22. MARINA – Purge The Poison

If you mostly ignore the lyrics, it’s fantastic.

21. Bruno Mars, Anderson .Paak, Silk Sonic – Leave The Door Open

Anon meet anthem from Bruno Mars? I’m as surprised as you.

20. Kylie Minogue, Years & Years – A Second To Midnight

Would this have made a better lead single for DISCO than Say Something? Who can really say? (Me, I can say it. I’m saying it).

19. Shakira – Don’t Wait Up

This sounds like an amalgamation of the last 5 years’ pop trends with a note to make sure it’s “TikTok challengeable”, so while not groundbreaking an ok song from Shakira is still better than most of what’s out there!

18. Bella Poarch – Build a Bitch

Because I’m an Old, I’m not especially familiar with the TikTok star to popstar pipeline, though my understanding is this is how we’ve ended up with Bella Poarch’s Build a Bitch. Though I find it somewhat clichéd, it is definitely a fun and catchy song.

17. CMAT – I Don’t Really Care for You

16. Maya Delilah – Gravity

Just absolutely dreamy.

15. Bree Runway – HOT HOT

I just have a feeling she’s going to be a massive star.

14. Laura Mvula – Church Girl

13. Saweetie – Fast (Motion)

12. Anti Up – Sensational

11. Don Diablo, JLV, John K – Problems

10. Nea, Sandro Cavazza – Don’t Deserve This

The charts are so dominated by “features” now I feel like we hardly ever get actual duets anymore?? This one is beautiful, melodic, and hits all the right notes.

9. Agnes – 24 Hours

If you’re reading this, you probably already know this song and therefore know exactly why it’s here. No explanation needed.

8. Madison Beer – Blue

I had never heard of Madison Beer till her appearance on RuPaul’s Secret Celebrity Drag Race and to be honest that still wasn’t enough to get me interested in her music. However, when this popped up on New Music Friday I was instantly hooked, and went on to discover her album Life Support was one of my favourites of the year. It’s very Lana Del Rey (when she still made pop music) meets Ariana Grande (when she still made pop music).

7. Foxes – Sister Ray

A welcome and long overdue return from Foxes, while she blessed us with a batch of solid new tracks this year, this is the only one that will have you screaming “GEMINI IS YOUR TOUCH” for the rest of the day.

6. Maisie Peters – Psycho

The second best pop song with ‘psycho’ in its title.

5. Au/Ra – Dead Girl! (Shake My Head)

If 2021 needed anything, it was a gloomy dance pop song. I’m sorry to say the rest of the album doesn’t quite live up to this, but Dead Girl! is definitely one of my faves this year.

4. L U – Liquid Gold

Debut offering from L U whose vocal tone is eerily similar to one Mrs Grande-Butera, this cool mid-tempo number has been on heavy rotation for me this year.

3. Lauren Aquilina – The Knife

More known for indie/folk pop, here Lauren Aquilina gives a more electronic/rock edge to her pop and it’s fucking amazing.

2. Julia Michaels – All Your Exes

I would say Julia Michaels is an underrated songwriter if it weren’t for her wild success with the songs she’s written for other, more famous artists, but she does keep a lot of the good ones for herself which don’t get nearly enough recognition. All Your Exes being just one example of how she can make a witty and catchy 10/10 pop song that all the while feels completely effortless.

1. Georgia Twinn – Moth

Haunting acapella intro. Perfect. Delicately melodic verses. Perfect. Rousing pre-chorus. Perfect. FUCKING BANGER OF A CHORUS. Pop perfection.

Honourable mentions

• 24kGoldn – Love Or Lust

• 88rising, NIKI – Split

• Addison Rae – Obsessed

• Alesso, CORSAK – Going Dumb

• Alfie Templeman – Wait, I Lied

• Anitta – Faking Love ft. Saweetie

• Baby Queen – Dover Beach

• Baby Queen – These Drugs

• Bad Boy Chiller Crew – Don’t You Worry About Me

• Bebe Rexha – Sacrifice

• Black Eyed Peas – HIT IT ft. Saweetie & Lele Pons

• Cally Rhodes – Call Me Again

• Camden Cox – Under The Water

• Cody Frost – verbal warnings

• Collard – Deliver Me

• Conan Gray – Overdrive

• Conan Gray – Telepath

• Dan D’Lion – Peachy

• Eva-Lina – I Am The Ex Now

• Everyone You Know, Joy Anonymous – Just for the Times

• Fickle Friends – Not in the Mood

• Florrie – Hours

• Georgia Twinn – Talk

• Imanbek, Sean Paul, Sofía Reyes – Dancing On Dangerous

• IU – LILAC

• Jake Bugg – Lost

• Jake Issac, India.Arie – Gold

• James TW – Butterflies

• Kamal. – lose

• Kero Kero – The Princess and the Clock

• Kina – I’m Not Going Back ft. Mokita

• Lava La Rue – Magpie

• Liza Owen – JOSIE

• Loud Luxury, Ship Wrek – Amnesia ft. GASHI

• Malia Civetz – Anybody But You

• MAX RAD – Where Are We Now?

• Michael Calfan – Body

• Mimi Webb – Dumb Love

• Nia Wyn – Come Home To You

• Nick Jonas, Jonas Brothers – Selfish

• NOISY – 24/7

• Òlah Bliss – Sinner (Good Girl)

• Paul Woolford, Amber Mark- Heat

• Pixey – Sunshine State

• Purple Disco Machine, Eyelar – Dopamine

• Rak-Su – Fuego

• Robin Schulz, Felix Jaehn – One More Time ft. Alida

• Royal & the Serpent – girls ft. phem

• salute – Want U There

• Sam Feldt, Sam Fischer – Pick Me Up

• Sarah Close – Forgive or Forget

• Skrillex, Starrah, Four Tet – Butterflies

• Slayyyter – Clouds

• Soda State – Gold

• Tiana Blake – Interruption

• Tom Odell – numb

• Tom Speight – Strange Days

• TSHA, NIMMO – OnlyL

• USNA, Santino Browne – BOO

• Zara Larsson – Look What You’ve Done

Playlist

This article was originally published on the Pop Warrior blog – 31 December 2021

Let me guess, you took an online quiz that crunched the numbers and told you your favourite Britney single is Gimme More? Groundbreaking. You also have a carefully curated mental list of every album track which totally needed to be a single. Who doesn’t? But when it comes to Britney’s less-championed and sometimes elusive bonus songs, how well do you really know your Japanese deluxe editions from your Target exclusives?

When Britney debuted, the digital music revolution was just creeping around the corner, CDs still reigned as king of formats and continued to do so for about the first half of her career to date. Before streaming (and, y’know, rampant online piracy) the availability of bonus tracks really depended which country you lived in (or even which shop you bought your music from) save for the superfans who went out of their way to import alternative editions. Nowadays it’s a virtually non-existent problem, but you could still be forgiven for not having had these rarer tracks on regular rotation when they weren’t always accessible at the click of a button, which is a shame because many of them really are top-tier Britney songs!

So, what better way for you to familiarise yourself with each and every one than to dive into this meticulously compiled list, ranked for your benefit from worst least good to best…

40. Girls And Boys

Britney Spears: In The Zone (International bonus CD)
Written by: Linda Perry
Produced by: Linda Perry

It would have been great to kick things off by saying there are no bad songs on this list, but Girls And Boys earns every bit of its last spot placement – on the plus side, it is the only real stinker here. The track opens promisingly with a pacey Matrix-style big beat, while Britney coos with breathy ASMR vocals that would even have Selena Gomez saying “speak up, woman!” It’s all very on-brand for In The Zone – being vaguely sexy though ostensibly about sex – but overall there’s nothing witty or melodically enjoyable about it. Cringey lyrics like “Good girls and good little boys / will make love together” just make you wonder, Linda: what’s goin’ on?!

39. You Got It All

Oops!… I Did It Again (Asian, Australian, Japanese, Mexican, and UK special editions)
Written by: Rupert Holmes
Produced by: Eric Foster White

Moving on, we’re now safely in tolerably average territory with the first of a few of this list’s ballads from the …Baby–Oops! era, which collectively can best be described as the sound of the 90s being dragged reluctantly into the 21st century. This cover of a song first released by brother-sister group The Jets is now sadly stripped of all the original’s charming 80s production, but disappointingly, not repurposed enough to make it sound modern. The good thing about the ballads from this era is that we get treated to Britney’s real singing voice at its best, and this one is no different, but the song itself is the most generic sounding out of all of them.

38. Girl In The Mirror

Oops!… I Did It Again (Asian, Australian, International, Japanese, Mexican, and UK special editions)
Written by: Jörgen Elofsson
Produced by: Per Magnusson, David Kreuger

“There’s a girl in my mirror / I wonder who she is,” Britney ponders; a mystery for the ages. “Oh, the girl in my mirror is crying ‘cause of you,” she asserts; a bold accusation in what has rapidly become a three-person narrative. By way of an unexplained epiphany just before the middle eight she concludes that “The girl in the mirror is [SPOILER ALERT] me.” Not the deepest of songs but the chorus screams Eurovision, which is not terribly surprising given that it was written by two Swedes.

37. Outta This World

Blackout (Target exclusive edition)
Written by: Nate Hills, James Washington, Keri Hilson, Marcella Araica
Produced by: Danja, Jim Beanz

If this had made the final cut on Blackout, it would have been the only skip in amongst so much excellence. A pleasant but forgettable filler track.

36. Heart

Oops!… I Did It Again (Asian, Australian, Japanese, Mexican, and UK special editions)
Written by: George Teren, Eugene Wilde
Produced by: Steve Lunt, Larry “Rock” Campbell

Not really one of the standout ballads, but it gets points for sounding the least like it was written from the point of view of what a middle-aged man thinks a teenage girl should be singing to her 12 year old fans. A simple but surprisingly mature self-love anthem.

35. Intimidated

I’m A Slave 4 U (B-side)
Written by: Britney Spears, Rodney Jerkins, Josh Schwartz, Brian Kierulf
Produced by: Rodney Jerkins

Intimidated feels most similar to its sister Britney track, Lonely (albeit not as good) and lyrically carries the same self-assured, assertive attitude. Britney wants her crush to make the first move: “So baby take your chance / and show your confidence,” she commands, third-wave feminism now a distant memory. The best part of the song comes just after the second chorus as she chants “B-R-I-T-N-E-Y”, seemingly for no particular reason, and yet somehow still iconic.

34. I’ll Never Stop Loving You

…Baby One More Time (Asian, Australian, Chinese, Digital Deluxe, Korean, and Japanese special editions)
Written by: Jason Blume, Steve Diamond
Produced by: Per Magnusson, David Kreuger

In a post Oops! world it’s so easy to forget Britney even made songs like this, and not just because of her departure from that distinct 90s sound. The Britney belt voice! A backing choir!! A key change!!! First released by fellow teen artist J’Son just three years prior, Britney’s version does sound of its time but still feels more like she put her own stamp on the original instead of trying to revamp it, and it works nicely.

33. I Run Away

Britney (Asian, European reissue, and bonus disc editions)
Written by: Josh Schwartz, Brian Kierulf
Produced by: Brian Kierulf, Josh Schwartz

What happens when you cross a ballad with a frantic Timbaland-esque beat for shits and giggles. It’s a solid effort, but don’t try this at home.

32. The Answer

In The Zone (International edition)
Britney Spears: In The Zone (Bonus CD)
Written by: Britney Spears, Ryan Leslie, P. Diddy
Produced by: P. Diddy, Ryan Leslie

Britney loves a good spoken word intro, and this whole track has so much talking you can probably find it on Audible. On the surface it’s a very sensual sounding song but the lyrics are actually quite romantic. “Patiently I’ve waited for this day to finally come / Knowing someday somehow I would find that special one / When they ask me who I love / You’re the answer.” It’s like being horny but for cuddling. What’s most striking is how the melody at the beginning of each verse is literally identical to the first verse of Slave. Queen of sampling herself!

31. Hold On Tight

Britney Jean (Deluxe edition)
Written by: Britney Spears, Kool Kojack
Produced by: Kool Kojack, A.C., Anthony Preston, Peter Carlsson

“So wicked, in the way he moves / Don’t miss it, do not be a fool / He comes to me in my dreams / And tells me what I need to know.” This is clearly an ode to her sleep paralysis demon(?) It’s quite a sweet song but verges uncomfortably closely on being sappy.

30. Coupure Électrique

Glory (Deluxe edition)
Written by: Britney Spears, Lance Eric Shipp, Nathalia Marshall, Rachael Kennedy
Produced by: Lance Eric Shipp, Mischke

We like to joke that Britney invented the French language, and prior to this song’s existence the entire country of France and large swathes of Canada communicated exclusively through mime and smoke signals, but even with my French GCSE (I got a B, tyvm) I can tell this is a linguistic nightmare. The title seems intended to translate as “blackout”, Britney cheekily reminding us that she’s capable of making a better album than Glory. It goes without saying this is one of her most experimental tracks, and dodgy Duolingo aside it’s actually pulled off quite well. It’s a shame that the sparse production doesn’t build up to anything more theatrical towards the end, but otherwise it makes a charming, if anticlimactic finish to round off the album.

29. Autumn Goodbye

…Baby One More Time (Australian, Chinese, Digital Deluxe, and Japanese special editions)
…Baby One More Time (B-side)
Written by: Eric Foster White
Produced by: Eric Foster White

Definitely one of the more upbeat songs from this era despite being about what sounds like a not-all-that-great summer fling.

It’s fun, saccharine, and frankly, corny as fuck. As the B-side to the …Baby One More Time single, the contrast in style between the two songs really highlights how different a direction her overall sound could have been taken in were it not for the mastery of Max Martin.

28. Rock Boy

Circus (German and Mexican iTunes Store, Spotify and Musicload editions)
Written by: Nathaniel Hills, Marcella Araica, Tina Parol-Gemza, Michael Shimshack
Produced by: Danja

Coming off the back of In The Zone and Blackout which decidedly served as attempts to take her sound into an edgier, more mature direction, it was an unexpected (but not unappreciated!) surprise to get a handful of songs on Circus that were unashamedly fun pure pop. This guitar-driven number sounds exactly like the type of song that would have been earmarked for one of the then up-and-coming Disney tweens (not a criticism!) and as such is a cute track but makes sense that it ended up as a bonus track for our Knee.

27. Brightest Morning Star

Britney Jean (Deluxe edition)
Written by: Britney Spears, Dr. L*ke, Sia, Henry Walter
Produced by: Dr. L*ke, Cirkut, Christopher Braide, Anthony Preston

The thing about Britney Jean is that you’re either getting will.i.am’s 3D-printed bleep bloop jingles or a poignant, heartfelt gentlebanger written by Sia – there is simply nothing in between. Brightest Morning Star hailing from the latter camp, it’s obvious Sia knows her way around a good tune and probably had a hand in making sure what could have sounded unbearably cheesy ended up at least being not awful. I like to tell myself Britney wrote it about her kids, even though it’s more likely about A. a figurative significant other, or B. God (or C. literally the sun??).

26. Don’t Hang Up

In The Zone (Australian, Japanese, and UK special editions)
Britney Spears: In The Zone (Bonus CD)
Written by: Britney Spears, Brian Kierulf, Josh Schwartz
Produced by: Brian Kierulf, Josh Schwartz

Amazingly, the first of two phone sex anthems on this list. This one opens with a dreamy William Orbit-esque sound, a light chillout drum and bass beat, and breathy falsetto vocals. “Baby / I’m lying all alone / A pillow / Is all I have to hold.”

Sometimes that’s all you need (ladies, amirite?), but still she persists.

“Don’t hang up / It’s just gettin’ serious / Don’t hang up / Until I’m finished with you.” You get the idea. What also sets this apart from phone sex anthem #2 is that it was clearly made in a time when landlines were still a thing, and I’m not going to be the one explaining to Gen Z what hanging up the phone means.

25. I’m So Curious

…Baby One More Time (Korean special editions)
Sometimes (B-side)
Written by: Britney Spears, Eric Foster White
Produced by: Eric Foster White

Poor Britney has a fuckboy on her hands, and she just wants some answers. “I’m so curious / What do you think of me / Boy am I just a game / Or do you feel the same as I do?” Her sole writing credit on this album, it does actually come across as more authentic compared to similar songs written for her. Sprinkled throughout with utterances of “Suh kyah-ri-uhs” in her unmistakable trademark low-voice Britccent, giving quintessential teen pop.

24. Deep In My Heart

…Baby One More Time (International special edition)
Oops!… I Did It Again (B-side)
Written by: Per Magnusson, David Kreuger, Andreas Carlsson
Produced by: Per Magnusson, David Kreuger

This sounds very much like it could have been a Steps song. Steps were one of the opening acts on the …Baby One More Time Tour – coincidence? Almost certainly. Still very much in that vein, equal parts catchy and sickly-sweet, but in a good way.

23. If I’m Dancing

Glory (Deluxe edition)
Written by: Ian Kirkpatrick, Simon Wilcox, Chantal Krevizauk
Produced by: Ian Kirkpatrick, Mischke

The Miss Congeniality of the Glory era, If I’m Dancing became an instantly beloved fan favourite immortalised in memes. An erratic stereo panning buzz immediately sets the tone for this peculiar collection of sounds weaved together into an unforgettable pop moment. The lyrics delivered by Britney with ethereal delicacy, manage to be individually beautiful but collectively batshit. In amongst all the knowing absurdity, it boils down to one simple notion: “If I’m dancing / I know the music’s good.”

22. Now That I Found You

Britney Jean (Deluxe edition)
Written by: Britney Spears, Danny O’Donoghue, Giorgio Tuinfort, David Guetta, Frédéric Riesterer
Produced by: Giorgio Tuinfort, will.i.am, Anthony Preston

The feel-good moment Britney Jean desperately needed. Now That I Found You is reminiscent of Avicii’s biggest hits with a blend of acoustic and electronic sounds and a soaring build up to an explosive earworm of a chorus that gets everyone jumping. It’s the sort of tune I can imagine blaring from a Pride float while Derrick Barry hands out PrEP flyers and condoms.

21. When I Found You

Britney (Asian, Australian, European, European reissue and digital deluxe, Israeli, Japanese, Special limited, and UK editions)
Written by: Jörgen Elofsson, Dan Hill
Produced by: Peter Kvint

One of the few ballads from the Britney era, it has the production of a song that wants to be more uptempo, similar to I Run Away but with a sweeter melody. A love note to her soulmate: “I believe we all have one true love / Somewhere in this world, I do / I found myself / When I found you.” This was around the time she was dating that guy from N’sync; clearly not about him. The next one could be…

20. Liar

Glory (Deluxe edition)
Written by: Jason Evigan, Breyan Isaac, Nash Overstreet, Danny Parker
Produced by: Jason Evigan

Beginning with a slow menacing beat and ominous bluesy harmonica, Britney is about to let us know she has had it oh-fficially! From the get-go every lyric is confident and unapologetic, “Tall tale, such a damn shame / Hindsight, I can see it all so plain,” the jig is up, but she remains unbothered.

19. Better

Glory (Deluxe edition)
Written by: Britney Spears, Julia Michaels, Justin Tranter, Michael Tucker
Produced by: BloodPop, Mischke

In a very mid-2010s sort of way this song doesn’t really have a chorus so much as a brief series of enjoyable but indiscernible sounds. Another Glory medium tempo moment, it’s a quite grown up and reflective take on “the sexy time” as Britney points out the benefits of open and honest communication before doing the deed: “When you know somebody / And they know your body / It’s so much better.” No lies detected!

18. Over To You Now

Britney & Kevin: Chaotic
Written by: Guy Sigsworth, Imogen Heap, Robin Carlsson, Alexander Kronlund
Produced by: Guy Sigsworth

The sheer anarchy around the Chaotic era (using this word generously) was an exciting time for many fans with Britney going off-script and generating her own grassroots buzz for mysterious album The Original Doll. As that never really materialised, it’s sadly overshadowed by her deeply unpopular relationship with future baby daddy and their career-staining “docu-series”, named with regretful accuracy. That being said, out of all the “chaos” she still managed to deliver a small but mighty bop-filled EP, tarnished only by its shit title track and even worse artwork. Created by a juggernaut of a songwriting team, Over To You Now starts off with Britney talking over a seductive middle eastern reed melody only to suddenly turn into a psychedelic pop dance track. The lyrics remain largely open to interpretation*.

*Yeah, it’s about anal.

17. Don’t Keep Me Waiting

Femme Fatale (Deluxe version)
Written by: Rodney Jerkins, Michaela Shiloh, Thomas Lumpkins
Produced by: Rodney Jerkins

According to the Laws of Pop, every artist must have at least one track that features background #StudioBants to remind everyone that they are indeed an 𝒶𝓊𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒸 𝓋𝑜𝒸𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉, a box Britney ticks at the top of this track asking the producer “Will you turn me up,” and she’s right to do it. Don’t Keep Me Waiting has a distinctly rockier sound compared to the otherwise ubiquitous EDM on Femme Fatale, but that’s not even the best part! In what may be the first instance of Britishney recorded to song, she raps the entire middle eight in questionable perfect BBC English, thus dethroning Alesha Dixon as the UK’s favourite female MC.

16. Rock Me In

Circus (Deluxe, Japanese deluxe, and UK editions)
Written by: Britney Spears, Greg Kurstin, Nicole Morier
Produced by: Greg Kurstin, Nicole Morier

There’s something about this song that has a playful, child-like quality as if it could have been on one of her first two albums, except for sounding so extremely late 2000s. Rather oddly tacked on the end of Circus, it doesn’t feel particularly harmonious with the other tracks but its energetic and uplifting chorus makes it well worth the listen.

15. Change Your Mind (No Seas Cortes)

Glory (Deluxe edition)
Written by: Mattias Larsson, Robin Fredriksson, Julia Michaels, Justin Tranter
Produced by: Mattman & Robin, Mischke

A Spanish-infused flirtatious dance song, and by far one of the highlights on Glory. Not to mention showcasing Britney’s capabilities singing in a THIRD language. Rosetta Stone found eroding!

14. Trouble

Circus (French Amazon Music deluxe edition)
Written by: Christian Karlsson, Pontus Winnberg, Henrik Jonback, Balewa Muhammad, Candice Nelson, Ezekiel Lewis, Patrick Smith
Produced by: Bloodshy & Avant, The Clutch

Another fire song consigned to the Circus bonus track heap that just makes you wonder who in charge was like “Ok, but what about Mmm Papi??”, Trouble kicks off with a synth hook uncannily if not unintentionally similar to Madonna’s Get Together (it’s not acknowledged by credit) though the production is still very much in keeping with the Britney sound. Footage of Britney recording her vocals appears on Britney: For the record, when finished she humbly asks with a big grin on her face “Is that the end? Cool. Yay!” like singing about an insatiable sex drive is just another day at the office.

13. Everybody

Blackout (Digital and Japanese editions)
Written by: J.R. Rotem, Evan Kidd Bogart, Annie Lennox, Dave Stewart
Produced by: J.R. Rotem

The few covers in Britney’s discography have always on paper seemed quite… random. Sonny & Cher, The Rolling Stones, Arrows, Bobby Brown – a motley crew of artists even amongst themselves – don’t seem like obvious choices when you think about whose songs you’d pick to have the Britney treatment, but Everybody is a match made in heaven (on earth). Not exactly a cover but more than a sample, this re-working of Eurythmics’ Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) updates it with the trademark Blackout sound, and Britney’s personal confidence at this point in her career really shines through in both the lyrics, and her commanding delivery. “Fellas get wild, start flashing your money / Ladies go crazy and act a fool / Everybody get down and do what you want to / The night is still young to be seduced.” The song’s demo was first recorded by The Cheetah Girls and was originally intended for Rihanna’s second album, but writer/producer J. R. Rotem ultimately pitched it for Blackout, where as great as it is, is still probably best suited as a bonus track.

12. Walk On By

Stronger (B-side)
Written by: Jörgen Elofsson, David Kreuger
Produced by: David Kreuger, Per Magnusson

The spiritual sequel to Sometimes, Walk On By has the same wispy sweetness, a few extra bpm thrown in for good measure, and the all important key change. Thanks to an irresistible chorus it has aged surprisingly well though not as timeless, best demonstrated by the fact it went on to be covered by Gareth Gates.

11. Up n’ Down

Femme Fatale (Deluxe version)
Written by: Shellback, Max Martin, Savan Kotecha
Produced by: Max Martin, Shellback, Oligee

Notable for being Max Martin’s only appearance on this list, Up n’ Down sounds exactly like you’d expect a Femme Fatale track to sound, which isn’t surprsing as he’s responsible for at least half the album. We’re in familiar territory here: Britney’s at the club feeling her oats, “Looking so fire hot, a 20 out of 10,” and generally being aware that she is The Moment.

Like most of the album it’s a solid dance song, so much so that it even made its way onto the Femme Fatale Tour setlist – not too shabby for a deep cut.

10. Mood Ring (By Demand)

Glory (Japanese and 2020 standard editions)
Written by: Dijon McFarlane, Nicholas Audino, Te Whiti Warbrick, Lewis Hughes, Jon Asher, Melanie Fontana
Produced by: DJ Mustard, Twice as Nice, Jon Asher

The song formerly known as just Mood Ring before Team Britney decided to hijack/exploit the fandom’s enthusiasm for a quick buck, originally a Japanese exclusive only to be given a second life on the Glory deluxe re-issue. It fits nicely alongside the other lower-tempo tracks on the album and would have been a strong contender to get the single-release treatment had it been part of the standard tracklist (or if RCA did third singles, LOL). Britney’s vocals are front and centre over an understated production, with dreamy melodies and heart-on-sleeve lyrics: “I have no secrets / ‘cause there’s a version of me that I don’t know how to hide.” The re-issue also offered up three pretty good remixes including one named – in a not-at-all-veiled attempt to give The Gays everything they want – the Pride Remix, which in fairness is probably the best one, and also gives a welcome 2020 follow-up to the most iconic song intro of all time. “There’s only one bitch / The real one…ᴮʳᶦᵗⁿᵉʸ.”

9. Quicksand

Circus (European iTunes Store deluxe edition)
Written by: Lady Gaga, Fernando Garibay
Produced by: Fernando Garibay

On her journey to eventually becoming Lady Thee Gaga, Stefani Germanotta began her music career also penning hits for other artists including none other than Miss American Dream herself. Gaga submitted two tracks for Britney’s Circus era, and I think we all know how this story ends. Though both songs were recorded, Telephone ultimately got rejected in favour of Quicksand, which was certainly… a choice. But whichever way you look at it, the second best song Lady Gaga wrote for Britney Spears isn’t exactly something to be scoffed at. Bookended by a gentle piano melody, the midtempo beat and Gaga’s backing vocals topped off with an unforgettable hook make it a solid pop track, and probably the closest we’re getting to an official collab (for now 🤞).

8. Scary

Femme Fatale (Japanese deluxe edition)
Written by: Britney Spears, Fraser T. Smith, Kasia Livingston
Produced by: Fraser T. Smith

Regarded by some* as the 21st century’s answer to Thriller, this is one of those songs that introduces itself as an out-and-proud bubblegum pop banger before the first verse even hits. Another Japanese exclusive, Scary has all the upbeat Femme Fatale EDM energy but with a notably spooky twist. It’s a fun song and sounds like something you’d find on the soundtrack to Hotel Transylvania, were it not for lyrics like “I just want your body and I know that you want mine” which don’t seem quite child-friendly enough. Basically it’s Ooh La La but very not shit.

*Me.

7. Before The Goodbye

Britney (Australian, European digital deluxe, Japanese, and UK editions)
Written by: Britney Spears, Brian Transeau, Josh Schwartz, Brian Kierulf
Produced by: Brian Transeau

Britney has a fair few sadbangers under her belt, but this one is undoubtedly the most deserving of that title. Opening with a sultry yet sombre vibe, Britney sings with subtle desperation “And I know that you best be on your way / But I’m wishing I could make you stay / Stay with me for a while,” followed by a rousing chorus that just hints at what’s to come. Before you can say “sicker than the remix”, the lights dim, the disco ball lowers, and the poppers come out when chorus #2 drops a thumping beat, turning what was an impassioned ballad into a full-blown Eurodance anthem.

According to writer and producer BT, the reason Before The Goodbye never made it onto the US version of Britney was because it didn’t make sense with the “Neptunes-y, R&B-type slant” it had ended up with. She’s got a point, but then Slave and Boys are really the only songs with that particular sound so I’m pretty sure America could have handled it.

6. I’ve Just Begun (Having My Fun)

Britney Spears: In The Zone (International bonus CD)
Written by: Britney Spears, Michelle Bell, Christian Karlsson, Pontus Winnberg, Henrik Jonback
Produced by: Bloodyshy & Avant, Steven Lunt

Originally a bonus track on Britney Spears: In The Zone, I’ve Just Begun (Having My Fun) was also included on the standard tracklist of Greatest Hits: My Prerogative, notably being the only song on the entire album that was never released as a single (again with the choices) and so didn’t get a video. Nevertheless, it fits perfectly with that era taking the “I don’t give a fuck” energy of My Prerogative and running with it. It tells the “made up” story of “a party that was too much fun” where she ends up meeting a sexy guy and *checks notes* falls asleep in a chair.

Shakespeare not quite shaking from the beyond then as far as storytelling goes, but the killer chorus packs enough punch to carry the song. It has a consistent electronic sound across the vocals and production, switching up effortlessly from strings and synths to a grungy guitar that brings life to the song’s attitude perfectly.

5. Selfish

Femme Fatale (Deluxe edition)
Written by: Ester Dean, Mikkel S. Eriksen, Tor Erik Hermansen, Sandy Wilhelm, Traci Hale
Produced by: Stargate, Sandy Vee, Kuk Harrell

Hear me out: this had the potential to be a lead single. Maybe not for Femme Fatale (ironically) – lacking the dramatic Hold It Against Me dubstep breakdown that so sensationally helped to usher in its era – but Selfish has all the makings of a song with enough personality worthy of the buzz that launches a Q4 Britney comeback. First, the name: short, simple, a little bit cheeky. Just like Womanizer or Work Bitch you don’t even need to have heard the song yet to know you’re going to be in safe hands (I have trust issues about these things after Make Me…). Next, the vocal hook right at the start of the chorus is ridiculously radio-friendly and pleasantly catchy without dominating the entire song. Last but not least, I’ll be damned if there’s a lyric more gratifying to sing along to than “Boom boom baby / Pick you up in my Mercedes.”

4. Phonography

Circus (Deluxe, Japanese deluxe, and UK editions)
Written by: Christian Karlsson, Pontus Winnberg, Henrik Jonback, Balewa Muhammad, Candice Nelson, Ezekiel Lewis, Patrick Smith
Produced by: Bloodshy & Avant, The Clutch

Phone sex anthem #2, only this time more brazen and upgraded for the digital age. This Bloodshy & Avant produced song could have easily made itself at home on Blackout but instead graces the limited edition section of Circus (*cackles in Radar*) as one of its standout tracks. Were it not otherwise so well produced, you could be forgiven for being put off by the lyrics which are a bit too heavily reliant on outdated buzzwords of what was then novel technology. “And I like my bluetooth, buttons comin’ loose / I need my hands free / Then I let my mind roam, playing with my ringtone / He got service, I got service / Baby we can talk all night.” We all like having four bars of signal, but that in and of itself is not exactly making anyone horny. In that respect it might feel dated, but what you’re left with is a sexy, playful, first-rate 00s bop.

3. Get Back

Blackout (Digital and Japanese editions)
Written by: Corte Ellis, Nathaniel Hills, Marcella Araica
Produced by: Danja, Corte Ellis

A common theme running through Blackout and a big part of what makes it such a cohesive album, is that on every track, whatever it’s about, Britney knows who she is and what she wants. On Get Back, she has never sounded more confident. A bold dance number with Danja’s stamp all over it, Britney is against the music no more but making it her bitch. “Catch me if you can, don’t move too slow / I’m on another level, can you feel my flow? / See how good when I’m on the floor / If you can’t take it then get back.” Beneath the assured lyrics is a boisterous beat coupled with a synth hook reminiscent of The Cars’ Moving In Stereo (again, not sure if this is intentional) which keep the momentum building up to a climactic middle eight and dramatic outro.

2. Amnesia

Circus (Australian, European, Japanese deluxe, and UK deluxe editions)
Written by: Fernando Garibay, Kasia Livingston
Produced by: Fernando Garibay

Amnesia achieves the incredible feat of emerging 10 years into Britney’s career like a track that could have been written for her first album but without sounding at all dated. Once you get past the almost hesitant and oddly matter-of-fact intro, “I saw him standing there in the parking lot / He asked if I came here a lot / And this is how I responded,” it launches straight into the infectiously catchy chorus with lyrics that sound a bit more like they’re meant to be in a pop song. It’s about a man she finds so enchanting that his mere presence causes her to forget the most important of personal details including her name, address, and phone number (the way she predicted GDPR, her mind!) and incites dreams of the cool, interesting, and very cool conversations they might have.

Meanwhile, her actual boyfriend (possible fiancée) has no idea he’s about to get the boot in favour of Prince Charming.

With sugary sweet melodies and lyrics that hearken back to her days as a lovestruck teenager, this song really has no business being as brilliant as it is for a grown up Britney, and remains a true underrated gem in her discography.

1. He About To Lose Me

Femme Fatale (Deluxe edition)
Written by: Rodney Jerkins, Ina Wroldsen
Produced by: Rodney Jerkins

I must confess, ordinarily, I have little more than a casual interest in Britney’s ballads compared to her more dance-oriented songs. Like the airport duty-free shop: I appreciate that it’s there, but it’s not what I came for. So I should be surprised to find myself choosing one as a personal favourite, but He About To Lose Me is just so good there was never even any hesitation in placing it at the top of this list.

Notably, it doesn’t instantly sound like a typical Britney song, almost like it was written for someone else but she nabbed it herself. Opening with just a delicate guitar riff and Britney’s vocal, she sings with a despondent urgency in her voice that is completely appropriate for the song and helps to sell you the story. “I’m touching hands with someone seriously beautiful / Eh ah-eh eh / I feel it burning and I know I’m standing far too close / Eh ah-eh eh.”

The tale itself is as old as time: Britney is at the club with her friends and meets a hottie, but she already has a man at home (definitely picking up a theme here). Wracked with guilt over the ethical dilemma of inevitably succumbing to lustful temptation, deep down she already knows the relationship is dead in the water. “I got someone waiting at home / He says he in love, but lately I just don’t know / He don’t see me or make me feel hot.” Songwriter, Ina Wrolsden (whose catalogue of Pop credits is noteworthy), took inspiration from her own experience in penning the song: “I was a little angry at [my husband] Marc, because I was going to a club and he got jealous.” Hopefully the real-life equivalent had a less damning fate.

As well as making a fan in none other than Kylie Minogue, Britney has more than once named it as one of her all-time favourite tracks from her career (to be fair, this answer changes almost every time she’s asked, but still it has a spot in the rotation!) and I couldn’t agree more.

This article was originally published on the Pop Warrior blog on 12 November 2021

🗨️ Join the discussion

I’m So Curious about Everybody’s thoughts so it’s Over To You Now… Don’t Keep Me Waiting and let me know if you agree with the ranking, and what would be your top 3 tracks!

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📖 Further reading

• ‘The Original Doll’ podcast
  A must-listen for diehard fans. James Rodriguez interviews songwriters, producers, and choreographers with exclusive behind the scenes information on the creation of some of Britney’s biggest hits, as well as a number of songs from this list.

• Let’s talk about Coupure Électrique
  A native French speaker breaks down the good, bad, and ugly of Britney’s foray into the language of love.

Sources:

B sides and bonus tracks | Britney Spears Wiki | Fandom

List of songs recorded by Britney Spears – Wikipedia

Britney Spears discography – Wikipedia

Blackout: 8 Facts You Didn’t Know About Britney Spears’ Greatest Album – MTV

The inside story of Britney Spears’ missing hit | EW.com

Ina Wrolsden writes for Britney (Norwegian)